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Thread: When I was a kid

  1. #1
    None
    Join Date
    May 2003
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    20,660
    Battle Record
    18-0

    When I was a kid

    when my dad was a kid,
    they'd paint fences, and play ball.
    and make the mound, round with spray all.
    go home, and do chores.
    take breaks, at sea shores.

    when i was a kid,
    all day we'd watch movies for pennies,
    come out shaking our legs.
    we never knew of a denny's,
    so we cooked bacon and eggs.

    when my kid was a kid,
    he watched tv, stopped reading stuff,
    believed everything said by the media.
    became embellished with useless facts and shows,
    started believing in things superficial, and macking hoes.

    when you were a kid,
    u lived where u live, prolly didn't know your a resident,
    have never heard a word spoke by the president.
    you stayed hooked on TV, strictly entertainment,
    what did u know better.. history or "im rick james bitch"
    some of your friends, smoked drugs, and got high
    stood in the street, only ran if shots fly.

    now all this has happened, we cant deny its embedded.
    we can only question the direction society's headed...

  2. #2
    ...practice makes poetry
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
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    very good content... really a thinking man's piece...

    thought the structure was interesting... not sure if it was innovative or just sloppy... but im leaning towards ... 'free'... i think is a good word...

    the vocab was simple... but i don't like vocab so it's cool...

    your verses and lines got longer towards the end... wondering if that's on purpose or not... i know when im not careful my lines start to get longer and longer as i want to say more and more... jus be careful of that...

    this would be a dope read before or after my collab with SMZ... you should go check it out...
    Hence Forward

  3. #3
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
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    Awards Legendary Member Legendary Battle Legendary OM OM HOF
    This was cool man .. Rhyme scheme/flow was a bit strange .. But content and idea behind this I liked a lot .. Nicely done .. Good for the first OM I've seen you drop ..
    -what did u know better.. history or "im rick james bitch"-
    That right there was dope .. I loved that .. Keep writin' man .. Imma be lookin' for more stuff by you .. One

    A.i

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    *Click one of ^those to check out my music and shit

  4. #4
    I'm Roman Catholic Lord Sarcasm's Avatar
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    Yeah..the flow did throw me off somewhat..not bad..Haven't seen a lot of you for a while except for that piece on the current state of rb..now on this piece..it's nice..nothing really wrong..just a little different..but it still works well..not much more to say..
    WordPerfect

  5. #5
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    good approach I supposed on the topic
    and it all made sense...nice imagery on this
    and good vocab overall nice piece...
    keep at it...
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

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