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Thread: .Sacrifice Of A Nation. Pt.2

  1. March 10th, 2004, 11:48 AM #1
    'PercepTion'
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    .Sacrifice Of A Nation. Pt.2

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118959
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=57182
    -------------------------------

    It’s the end of a troubled century, the end of all our old & valued traditions...
    We had fought and battled to keep the white man from obtaining more acquisitions...
    Now the plain is eerily silent.... a summer wind brings forward the only life...
    We had defended so hard but exhaustingly finally lost the will to fight...
    So many leaders, so many commanders, so many failed attack attempts...
    But now history will flourish and live off these remarkable Wild West events...

    “Let me be a free man -- free to travel, free to stop, free to work, free to trade where I choose, free to choose my own teachers, free to follow the religion of my fathers, free to think and talk and act for myself, and I will obey every law, or submit to the penalty.
    Chief Joseph”

    Fuck this new America, this new incarnation of the devil, this evil land...
    This white man thinks he can achieve everything that he coldly commands...
    He’s arrogant and ignored all the pleading importunes that we chanted...
    Our grasslands have been burnt, their gone and can never been replanted...
    A century of hurt portrayed in a diminutive piece of irrelevant dirt...
    It’s trampled over; spat on and never gets the opportunity to revert...

    “It’s like, You see a drop of water plunge into a puddle...the ripple expands, that’s what life was like...One tribe was defeated...soon they were all defeated...the horror spread..”

    As I now sit, a poet in 2004 lookin’ back on these events over a century ago...
    Although I’m spreading the word I just added the water to let he seed grow...
    Indescribable events were etched on these brave and gallant native minds...
    There memory will be forever kept alive in every rapper who reads these lines...
    They’ll learn about how these people felt & how events started to turn...
    How they watched helplessly as there land & possessions started to burn...

    “I look back at this...how America was overcame by this new age of modernization...how the old way of life was gone, gone forever....How we witness the desperation of these heroic people. How we witnessed a “Sacrifice of a Nation”.
    Open Mic's


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  2. March 10th, 2004, 12:00 PM #2
    $carface
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    i felt dis piece....vocab was decent....structure was flawless...but sometimes lines were a bit stretched...
    overall u had a nice drop keep writn dawg
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  3. March 10th, 2004, 02:42 PM #3
    'PercepTion'
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    woah..uppy.
    Open Mic's


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  4. March 10th, 2004, 03:15 PM #4
    ELEETE
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    Fuckin A brotha....I gotta say your First SOAN was nice as hell......And this was a nice addition to it...

    Your imagery was very nice and loved the way you portrayed your story...Implimenting images in peoples minds is the way to go! I like when im able to picture a verse you feel me dawg?

    Very nice piece overall....everything seemed to fall in place nicely...great job bro....

    A century of hurt portrayed in a diminutive piece of irrelevant dirt...
    It’s trampled over; spat on and never gets the opportunity to revert...
    ^^^Aint it the truth brotha?^^^

    Hit up my latest OM....if ya get the chance thanks!!!
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118968

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  5. March 11th, 2004, 11:14 AM #5
    'PercepTion'
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  6. March 11th, 2004, 11:19 AM #6
    Penskills
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    This whole thing came out very well...I acutally enjoyed this more than the first one..
    Which is saying alot..since I really liked the first one..I won't break anything down..{I'm sure you weren't expecting anythihg like that from me anyway )
    Good Job!
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  7. March 11th, 2004, 02:18 PM #7
    SMZ
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    Flow was pretty good - seemed a bit stretched in places. Quite emotive - you portrayed the mindset well - I thought you could've hit those feelings a bit harder though. Basically I think that was your strongest point - would've liked to see it be even stronger. "importunes" - was a new word for me. Nice quotes again. Good work - hit my Mag... collab on the media if you can.

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    I'm dead.


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    Hence Forward
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  8. March 11th, 2004, 02:47 PM #8
    Ron B. Vicious
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    Change your name back, i almost slept on this cuz i 4got you changed ya shit.

    This was well thought out and executed piece i'll reply heavier a lil later
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  9. March 11th, 2004, 03:54 PM #9
    Dice-All/Tec
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    hot piece...i liked how you flipped those topics an let tha uneducated feel whats what.........hot shit dogg.....
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  10. March 12th, 2004, 11:18 AM #10
    'PercepTion'
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  11. March 12th, 2004, 06:12 PM #11
    Baron Mynd
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    Okay ..
    .. well to me the flow to this wasnt there, basicaslly its just due to your bar lengths when read - it cant be read straight off unless your reading it VERY slowly - i think it comes down to how many syllables your putting into your lines - i usually go for between 12-16, with the odd exception here or there because of pauses stopped with comma's or whatever, but without that - your trying too hard to fit a lot of content into one line - and it doesnt read well like that, its important you get an equal balance between the two - and dont over-do one or the other. I actually liked the fact you used quotes in this, it helped make the piece more well-rounded i felt, added to what you were trying to convey from it pretty nicely .. the emtion was there in it, vocab was cool but again - dont over-do it and sacrifice the flow - its that equal balance you need to get between the two. Imagery wise it wasnt bad, fairly well written ..

    Just sharpen up your lines so they arent a page long and flow smoothly! Lol.

    WORD P e r f e c t !

    RESERVOIR GODS


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  12. March 12th, 2004, 06:17 PM #12
    Lord Sarcasm
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    ^^Ager E with the fact that the bar length fucked with the flow..
    But I don't care much for that..
    The piece was fucking great as was the first one..
    I love how you've incorporated indian quotes in your piece..
    The imagry is top quality..
    Just a very dope piece..
    Equal..if not better than the first..
    WordPerfect
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  13. March 13th, 2004, 06:00 AM #13
    'PercepTion'
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    Yay...replies...

    Yea..i admit it wa sin the back of my mind when i wrote this that my bars were too long...it was wrote more poetically but wrote to a beat...meh....got a new piece..more rap motivated..lol.
    Open Mic's


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  14. March 13th, 2004, 10:04 AM #14
    State_of_Mind
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    this piece was decent...nice vocab, buh flow was a question...i dont think you coud spit this piece verbally...good overall 7/10

    Check this shit out
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...900post1241900
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  15. March 13th, 2004, 02:30 PM #15
    'PercepTion'
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    I will get round to replying soon.
    Open Mic's


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