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Thread: From Now, To Then...

  1. #1
    That Shit Cray Chris Black's Avatar
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    From Now, To Then...

    From Now

    Slightly drizzling, the clouds part and reveal intense, orange, Sun rays-
    On this glum day, as if saying, ‘ the concrete’s worthy of the sun’s praise’...
    I Inhale, and the blunts haze circle my once dazed mind, as I hit the lye
    And I notice a collected puddle reflecting the hues of a conflicted sky
    Then the twisted cry of traffic gets my eye and I focus on a battered van
    When Out steps a tattered man, in the cold grey streets with a gat at hand
    ...His clothes are beaten and shine of wet blood, rinsed in the rain’s past
    And the stains clasp on his frame...*Gasp* then he raises the gun and freezes
    Now, in his cloudy eyes, I see this speechless deepness, that needs this-
    Blood spill to reach his complete bliss...But no!...I see there’s more to it!
    When he screams “I have to do it” , aims at a car and shoots through it...
    The car spews it’s glass into the air as the bullets inter the window...
    The fragments of glass almost float as the wind blows and I become in-tranced
    Because I see the worlds visuals enhanced, as the glass seems to dance...
    They reflect everything from the sky, to traffic, to a far away river
    Then a large piece of glass hits the sun at an angle...
    ...and I see the man bite his barrel and pull the trigger


    To Then

    Blood covers my garments, outside my apartment
    And my heat’s bent, because I know I sparked this
    With my, almost, heartless chase for street fame...
    ...But who knew, I’d loose her when the heat came?
    Her blood covers me, and nothing soothes these pains
    And with a slight drizzle coming down, I remain-
    On my front, where she died...until I see an old van
    Out steps an old man, reaching for my cold hand
    “doesn’t look good, huh”, he said as he pulled me up
    Then I felt adrenaline, and noticed the man freeze up
    *blackout*
    Next thing I know, I’m driving a vehicle in traffic
    When I notice Ali, so I grab my concealed mattic
    He killed my girl, so I have plans to shoot it.....
    ....I hesitate.......awww fuck!........“I have to do it!
    ...When I’m done shooting, the guys face changes with my vantage
    *cries*...it wasn’t even Ali.....*bites gun* I’ve done enough damage

    *BANG!*

    News reporter: It seems that the dead man in the back of the van involved in today’s brutal murder suicide was an innocent car jacking victim. The old man, Randy James, is survived by his loving wife, three children, and ten grandchildren.
    Hence Forward
    axis powers

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Banned
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    wow that shyt is crazy hot....nice i can imagine all dat shyt and u chilling and smokin and shyt....good drop...ending is the ill shyt...

  4. #4
    Banned
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    Damn thats a lot of links lol you only need 2

    But yeah this was a real nice read...really enjoyed this....should probably be nominated for the top10 atleast...nice imagery in this, felt like i could see what you were saying....nice drop.

  5. #5
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
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    Awards OFOTK Champion
    the imagery you portrayed on this piece was exquisite and the story telling was very well put and stayed on point. your use of multis kept the flow steady. transition between rhymes was very smooth. the only thing that could have been upped on this is the vocab. i like how you went to the news reporter at the end. creative and impacting way to close it .

    favorite line(s) - Now, in his cloudy eyes, I see this speechless deepness, that needs this-
    Blood spill to reach his complete bliss...

    great read
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

  6. #6
    ......................... bribeone's Avatar
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    i like you flowed very good
    the story was deep, good mutlies, vocab
    keep at it youll get even better.

    7/10
    Bribeone
    Artificial Intelligence

  7. #7

  8. #8
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    basically man ive got to agree, your strong point seems to be building a picture with immagery and well organised wording.... but i dont think its OM of the month quality... sorry man.... close,,, dont get me wrong i liked it... and your concept was good, jus thought some was a bit choppy, the scheme that is..... but interesting read in all.... keep it up
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  9. #9
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    This was okay...I can see that you are getting better and you are having more sucess as Arch...Lmao....Keep up the good work... peace..

  10. #10
    I'm Roman Catholic Lord Sarcasm's Avatar
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    Make it simple..good imagry yoo create...
    Follow along with the topic a little more..
    And find a different topic..
    But..nice piece in all..wish i could write more..
    But i'm having trouble seeing..
    WordPerfect

  11. #11
    Key-Low
    Guest
    hot shit..............lyked tha multi's , format was nyce, bars were consistent, not many breaks............but could be seen as too long, lyked how you went from present to past back to present, tha news report could have been betta, but overall............really lyked tha drop, good ish..........stay real, peace, 1

  12. #12

  13. #13
    Back By Popular Demand... ELEETE's Avatar
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    Wow my good man im really impressed!!! This piece was probably the best ive read from you...

    The Imagery in this was very well done...props on that...Your flow was good as well and everything else just seemed to fall into place. Good job my man.

    Keep them coming and keep droppin....Pz...


    Slightly drizzling, the clouds part and reveal intense, orange, Sun rays-
    On this glum day, as if saying, ‘ the concrete’s worthy of the sun’s praise’...
    I Inhale, and the blunts haze circle my once dazed mind, as I hit the lye
    ^^^^^^^^That just flowed so smoothly, excellent^^^^^^^^

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  14. #14
    \(^-^)/ Freeman's Avatar
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    Ahh.. So your W1CKED.. Lol.. Learn something everyday..

    Best part was the imagery..

    Vocabulary was iight..

    Wasnt your best piece..

    Wasnt bad though..

    Keep it up..

    Pz..

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  15. #15

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