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Thread: Dead Body. .

  1. #1
    Banned Dios de Hip Hop's Avatar
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    Dead Body. .

    . earphones blared with a few kids grabbing glances .
    . quietly bobed his head wit his mental strength advancing .
    . emboddied n soul the intracit funk held his morality .
    . sadly his morals had gone off the deep end of mens faitality .
    . more importantly his "friends" and thickly "family" .
    . encompenied with a glare with his moving mumbled rhymes .
    . faired well in his minds eye,glittering like $10 in Dimes .
    . eyes glanced longer, his mumbles slowly increased in time .
    . imagery in his voice and facial features appeared clear .
    . could hear the hate, tearing? no sounded so real feel fear .
    . within vocals searing the minds heart beginin to Weer .
    . sin in every holy syllable truth tho, his happy life begin to pear .
    . twin pupils tighten, lids begin to role faught to fight the tear .
    . hard even here, to think about lonely days with only siblings .
    . to entertain eachother the mear fact found his mom stripin .
    . depleted slowly the parental ear, created his own Happy Endings .
    . began his own strategetic beltings, owned his own seta hate .
    . through the beat he felt everday with every hateful word father said .
    . rolled back eye lids, with a quick tap to the shoulder off tape .
    . with that he layed down a dirty boy slowly into his hollow casket .
    . picken up the pace now stage adourned, stormed in with classic .
    . held no second thought of the torn body as he now worn Mantik .

  2. #2

  3. #3
    yo man, I was feeling this peice, it had some good flow to it
    but, I dont understand it
    the baby was dead..right
    but how did he die?
    i need to know that...

  4. #4
    Banned Dios de Hip Hop's Avatar
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    uppie

  5. #5
    Fucking SEXY! Bare Knuckles's Avatar
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    This was hot.

    sin in every holy syllable truth tho, his happy life begin to pear .
    . twin pupils tighten, lids begin to role faught to fight the tear .
    . hard even here, to think about lonely days with only siblings .
    . to entertain eachother the mear fact found his mom stripin .
    Kind of a predictable topic, but you worked around
    it well by writing it the way you did. I enjoyed this. Keep it
    up. Hopefully, you'll get the replies you deserve soon as
    well.
    It's me - Bare Knuckles!
    Yes.. the rumours are true.

    Alias: Atheist.

  6. #6
    YoungBobby
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    kind of a downer but still a nice peice. "Glittered like $10 in dimes" I liked that, good vocabulary

  7. #7
    Banned Dios de Hip Hop's Avatar
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    Thank you for the 2feedbacks.

  8. #8
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    This was Dope! <-I don't use that often on other people OM's...
    {I'm the King of one line replies}

  9. #9
    Banned Dios de Hip Hop's Avatar
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    Ill return the favor.
    no doubt hoes.

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    good drop i saw the emotion u conveyed it was magical so to speack and dark yet bright and suspensful. overall good shit mann keep it up.

  11. #11
    catholic schoolgirls rule Sand's Avatar
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    ehh it was semi-cool.
    i liked your short story
    waaaaay more. sorry..
    haha, keep writing.
    follow me on Instagram @updowndaps

  12. #12
    Banned Dios de Hip Hop's Avatar
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    wow apparantely i have a shortstory i dont know of
    :\ im that absent minded i guess. . . or mabey not me
    he talk to? w/e thanx for the feedback.

  13. #13
    Goby
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    Yo i'm a newb but still i was feelin this piece. Good flow in this. I pretty much liked the whole thing. Keep writing like this.

  14. #14
    Banned Dios de Hip Hop's Avatar
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    :\ last up mabey i can get to two pages

  15. #15
    and fuck you too Meks.'s Avatar
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    this was dope ... i liked it ... structure and flow were good ... ya wordplay was decent
    the topic was different but creative.... your consistency was there ...
    metas were good ... and ya description was pretty good .... like the way u represented this .... good drop
    keep at it

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