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Thread: .Thought Provoking. [short]

  1. March 4th, 2004, 11:54 AM #1
    'PercepTion'
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    .Thought Provoking. [short]

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=114614
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111233
    ---------------------------------------------

    It’s considered an irrelevant piece of unwanted litter..
    But it’s filled with literature & every one paints a picture..
    Each diversely different but each one as equally important...
    As the pen connects with it, time freezes for a moment...
    It goes instantaneously cold and if the truth be told...
    It sometimes rips under the detailed and ponderous load...
    But it holds so many details and so many deep secrets...
    As the word fits, it grasps it & the ink slowly drips...
    It’s like the blood spurting out of a wounded soldier...
    The page withholds it but it’s presence starts to feel colder...
    Another brick on it’s shoulder another word found better...
    But as each term is placed, it’s another one set against her....
    Open Mic's


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  2. March 4th, 2004, 12:38 PM #2
    Mrs. Quote
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    This was a pretty good piece. Strongly decent. Vocab was decent.. flow could have been a bit better. But overall it was decent. Stayed on topic.. topic was a bit weak. But yeah.. nice work.
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  3. March 4th, 2004, 01:29 PM #3
    Freeman
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    You ^ didn read it.. Herb..

    The topic was the best thing about this.. You idiot..

    Im liking the way that you could have made/taken this piece and thought of it what you wanted.. As there were a few outcomes of what the actual topic could be..

    For me the topic was "Paper"..

    Nice and original..

    Flow and all that stuff was iight..

    Vocabulary needs minor work..

    Thats all..

    Keep up with the good work..

    Hit up my topical battle against SmokaJoka666 in Elevated Front Lines.. No polls.. So drop a vote..

    Thanks..

    Pz..
    Pz..

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  4. March 4th, 2004, 05:15 PM #4
    'PercepTion'
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  5. March 4th, 2004, 05:45 PM #5
    southsideloco
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    yo homie...luved this piece...jus like freeman said...the topic sounded like paper..n the way u described the use n the benefits of a paper was dope...the vocab was aiight, i cant say it need work cuz it sound good to me...the complexity was tight n the flow was on point..overall homie.........nice work n hope to see more..keep spittin

    Peace

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  6. March 4th, 2004, 05:49 PM #6
    Bigg E Z
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    This was nice man..

    I dont like small pieces, but this was very entertaining...

    You use more and more internals everytime i read a "Rythmic" Piece...

    Tis was very deep allso...

    Very entertainin man... =)
    ArcBiggEZ

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  7. March 4th, 2004, 05:58 PM #7
    vane
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    nice piece, you done good for semething this short aswell.... nice lines, nice vocab and multis, structure was on...
    It’s like the blood spurting out of a wounded soldier...
    i thought that line lakked
    but over all good drop.... wish i could write lines with imagination like that...stay up loke
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  8. March 4th, 2004, 06:02 PM #8
    MaJestikz
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    Chae i liked dis pieace it had nice flow it floed perfectly in my mind you naw mine...
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  9. March 4th, 2004, 06:03 PM #9
    'PercepTion'
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    ^in future...leave a decent reply please... ^
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  10. March 4th, 2004, 06:17 PM #10
    Rinaun
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    Bravo~Bravo~Nice solid piece.Not too long.Not too short.
    This is a great piece.Filled with complexity.
    You had very good scheme in this piece.
    Your structure was very fitting.
    Overall,A very nice piece.
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  11. March 5th, 2004, 11:07 AM #11
    'PercepTion'
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  12. March 5th, 2004, 11:22 AM #12
    Endeva.
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    lol... at your great replies..... oh and turn ya AIM on..... sorry bout the collab, but i was pissed off.... wanted it posted... no beef i hope.... anyways back to ya drop.... first off too short... other than that i liked it the topic was good.....also you had a goos transition between rhymes... which kept the flow steady.... it would have been alot better tho, with another verse to take it further.... PS im envious of your noob following...lmao.... holla at me, this time we'll get a real fire collab going... again sorry..... nice name by the way.... at ya
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  13. March 5th, 2004, 12:02 PM #13
    spokenoh
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    Vocabulary could have been better but not necessary. Good flow, good topic, good structure, etc. etc. Please hit up one of mine.
    can I kick it?
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  14. March 5th, 2004, 12:05 PM #14
    Cope
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    .. And ya words hit me like the LAST ember . in the mist of december /
    .. the last tree in the forest fell timber . universal member /
    .. cooked up like momma's apple pie with ginger /
    .. but what had me . was the served up savey /
    .. nutralized street crudeness wit classy . matriculated thoughts . in my voice o' raspy /
    .. fellow solder . atom controller . bring it together to super nova .
    ..from coast to coaster . so high I hold her

    yea.. feel that
    ..
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  15. March 5th, 2004, 05:40 PM #15
    SMZ
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    Nice piece - had the feeling of an exerpt to me - like this was just a piece of a greater work. Would've liked to see you expand on it a bit. Some nice descriptions in there. Flow, Vocab good. thought this one half a line could be stronger:

    "but it’s presence starts to feel colder"
    liked:

    "Another brick on it’s shoulder another word found better"
    and

    "The page withholds it"
    Good work - keep writing - hit my ELEETE collab if you get a chance. (Two Geniuses - One Mind)

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