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Thread: Put it in Song.

  1. #1
    Fucking SEXY! Bare Knuckles's Avatar
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    Put it in Song.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...91#post1230791
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...95#post1230795

    Intro:
    If you knew what would happen tomorrow,
    Would you continue along the path you’re on?
    Or would you turn away,
    And take control of your life again?

    Verse 1:
    These ideas are in one ear and straight out the other
    Till the point they rain down on me, and I take clouds for cover
    Then the blueprint of life is ruined, so I make out another
    But it gets stamped by the helping hands that pound us under
    I shout and blunder, and inside the riddle’s a message
    Then I’ll have a change of heart and throw it into the wreckage
    With vengeful traps, these necks will snap and I’m sure death will laugh
    So when the bell rings, I’ll lay flat on my back on the wrestling mat
    I had a wager on a date with destiny, but the stakes had to
    Be raised cause her appearance kept lowering her face value
    I’m no hero, I’m just another one of those individuals
    Who’s trying to sidestep the rotten tomatoes that accompany the ridicules
    You can say what you want, but I’ve spent years in the palette
    A picture’s worth a thousand words, but I won’t lend my ear to the canvas
    I’m not a Van Gogh, but I know that there’s another way
    So remember: forgive, forget, then you can smile another day

    Chorus:
    It’s time you follow your own path
    And do what you want
    So when opportunity knocks, don’t answer that door
    Cause you make your own chances
    Believe in yourself
    So when opportunity knocks, don’t answer the door

    Verse 2:
    The world’s so different now, everything seems to be backwards
    Or maybe it’s forwards, and it was all backwards in the first place
    But in the worst-case scenario, I’ll tune up the stereo sounds
    For the merry-go round till the lamb is sacrificed and Mary goes down
    Cause she can’t live without her lamb, so put away your gun and knife
    And let’s kill it tomorrow but just cook it for another night
    I dot my i’s into the skyline, then I drew clouds above ground
    And when I swallowed my fears, I grew and stood out from the crowd
    I can’t explain it, but my world is ready to dive and plummet
    Whereas I’m happy watching the sculptor chisel the icy summit
    I bring out the best in people, yet I can never find examples
    And I was the light of my girl’s eyes, but now I’m just a dying candle
    It tightens my stomach, especially when I got up and left her
    Then swallowed the key to her heart so no one could enter
    But we know the wolf herds the shepherd and he’s the middleman
    So tell Mary I’m sorry to wear the wool of her little lamb

    Chorus:
    It’s time you follow your own path
    And do what you want
    So when opportunity knocks, don’t answer that door
    Cause you make your own chances
    Believe in yourself
    So when opportunity knocks, don’t answer the door

    Verse 3:
    This is what it all boils down to, right when the toil has found you
    And if the spillage doesn’t kill you then the oil is bound to
    But I never miss a beat when I’m giving the rhythm
    Cause when I’m in it, I’m in it, and I’m winning you over
    So I’ll keep following this path and you know I’ll never leave
    I’ll stay ignoring your words cause they act as more pressure to me
    And I never once said I meant it, and now I regret I said it
    Cause I’m drowning in the pool of roses from the bed I bled in
    It’s all a mess, shit, and I’ve never been at my best since
    But please read between the lines and find the hidden message
    It’s not hard to see it, I mean it, so believe it’s what I’m getting
    Cause I’m sick of this writer’s block, and I’m ready to drop it like Tetris
    I’m caught in the wreckage, stalked by these hellish and cheap problems
    Since the bigger picture is wrapped in small talk and sweet nothings
    I mean nothing, eat nothing and breathe nothing, it’s my own fault
    So I guess it’s back to the drawing board, but go buy your own chalk

    Chorus:
    It’s time you follow your own path
    And do what you want
    So when opportunity knocks, don’t answer that door
    Cause you make your own chances
    Believe in yourself
    So when opportunity knocks, don’t answer the door

    Outro:
    Opportunity
    Take your life back and live it, man.
    It's me - Bare Knuckles!
    Yes.. the rumours are true.

    Alias: Atheist.

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    If you knew what would happen tomorrow,
    Would you continue along the path you’re on?
    Or would you turn away,
    And take control of your life again?


    U know you got a dope ass song when ya damn Intro is dope as fuck, this was (and i'm not joking) one of the best joints i've seen here, it had chorus, wordplay, imagery everything. This was nice as fuck, i would vote for you in the hall of fame thingy but they won't listen.

  3. #3
    Fucking SEXY! Bare Knuckles's Avatar
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    ^ Who cares, just go vote me!
    It's me - Bare Knuckles!
    Yes.. the rumours are true.

    Alias: Atheist.

  4. #4
    Fucking SEXY! Bare Knuckles's Avatar
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    Up.
    It's me - Bare Knuckles!
    Yes.. the rumours are true.

    Alias: Atheist.

  5. #5
    Fucking SEXY! Bare Knuckles's Avatar
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    C'mon.
    It's me - Bare Knuckles!
    Yes.. the rumours are true.

    Alias: Atheist.

  6. #6
    Fucking SEXY! Bare Knuckles's Avatar
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    Blah.
    It's me - Bare Knuckles!
    Yes.. the rumours are true.

    Alias: Atheist.

  7. #7
    I sing the body electric. Maven.'s Avatar
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    whoa slept on too much.
    Great piece athiest.
    I might have missed the hidden message, but I enjoyed the clever wordplay and the elaboration on suggested thoughts. nearly every single bar was filled with things the needed thinking about, and I really love that in a piece. Your style was abstract, but not too abstract that it was incomprehensible. I think you could have had better wording in some places, and some of the lines didn't rhyme so well.

    I’m caught in the wreckage, stalked by these hellish and cheap problems
    Since the bigger picture is wrapped in small talk and sweet nothings
    I mean nothing, eat nothing and breathe nothing, it’s my own fault
    So I guess it’s back to the drawing board, but go buy your own chalk
    fucking amazing closing lines man.
    the only things I would work on is clarifying your message. it's all dope to have really clever wordplay, but if you don't pose a question or leave the reader with something to think about, then it doesn't really mean much.
    good work, my man.
    wordperfect?
    ..o0Pure0o..

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Godfather(2)'s Avatar
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    Yeah bare nice piece yo

  9. #9
    FUCK UR WACK BEATS!
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    lol...for sum reason, I found this to be dope.

    By any chance? are you a fan of eminem? and by any chance, do you like the song "Lose Yourself" by eminem lol?

    hehe, anyways, this is pretty good overall. If you can flow on it, have the right emotion, with a nice beat for the setting, track will be good.

  10. #10
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    Excellent work. Flow, vocab, etc. very good. Very nice wordplay and ideas throughout. Several nice turns of phrases. ie:
    "These ideas are in one ear and straight out the other
    Till the point they rain down on me, and I take clouds for cover
    Then the blueprint of life is ruined, so I make out another
    But it gets stamped by the helping hands that pound us under"
    the ideas flow so smoothly into unexpected directions

    "A picture’s worth a thousand words, but I won’t lend my ear to the canvas
    I’m not a Van Gogh, but I know that there’s another way
    So remember: forgive, forget, then you can smile another day"
    once again just connecting things in ways that aren't usually thought of

    "But we know the wolf herds the shepherd and he’s the middleman
    So tell Mary I’m sorry to wear the wool of her little lamb"
    I like these lines alot

    I mean nothing, eat nothing and breathe nothing, it’s my own fault
    So I guess it’s back to the drawing board, but go buy your own chalk
    excellent closer

    I think this is excellent - but I think you know it best - so if you think this deserves either top ten of month or legends let me know and I'll nominate it accordingly. Hit my ELEETE collab if you can. (Two Geniuses - One Mind)
    Last edited by SMZ; March 3rd, 2004 at 10:42 PM Reason: spelled geniuses wrong - lol - irony

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    Hence Forward

  11. #11
    catholic schoolgirls rule Sand's Avatar
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    your style, is and has always been dope ..
    the first piece i ever read of yours was
    "following in the footsteps" or something
    similar and ever since then i've been hooked
    i just wish you would start writing about
    death, suicide, and rape again.. =)

    as for this piece,

    verse 1 was really good, some nice symbolism
    and as always a really good flow
    when i finished verse 2 i was totally convinced
    that you are one of the best writers
    that i have ever seen. that verse was amazing
    esp. the key to the heart line.. wow
    3rd verse wasn't as lyrically superior as the
    first two but jesus man, the message was
    amazing, i hate sounding like a cock jockey
    because that's not me, but this was simply sick.

    live your life. pz
    follow me on Instagram @updowndaps

  12. #12
    Fucking SEXY! Bare Knuckles's Avatar
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    Finally, thanks.

    And yes, i like eminem, but this was nothing similar. This was just my first attempt at actualyl writing a song, so thank you very much everyone.
    It's me - Bare Knuckles!
    Yes.. the rumours are true.

    Alias: Atheist.

  13. #13
    This was a great piece. I would really look forward to hearing the audio of this. Did remind me of Lose Yourself in the beginning. But yeah, nice work. Great drop.

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