Laughs

[Illus']

Well deep expressional piece.. Vocabulary you used to express yourself
Was very well done.. A very nice topic and you stayed on the topic..
Very nice metaphor . How long did it take you to do this piece…?
Anyways all the line caught my eyes here are some


“premature Spring - the sun shines, almost assailing and arrogant. .
For, it laughed at the bare legs & arms that paled in comparison
Short sleeves, missing pant legs; laughs would burn & grate despair
As wry humour hit a dipping jet scream to permeate the air”

^ Like I said using good metaphor and vocabulary….




“Upon ending, I nestled my temple in the peak of my arm
Laughs from all - on the outside, trees creaked & birds were storied
In flowery dialogue which sent my mind to a sleepy purgatory”

I don’t know if you ride the trains and see the poems that are
Scripted on the little bill boards…that are very deep short pieces
Yours should be up there…

Well done stay dropping peace..

[Nahlidge]

Damn Qua .. This was a dope peace man .. I liked the theme behind 'laughs' and when U flipped it to 'chuckle' in the end I was buggn' out .. I thought that was crazy .. Dope content in this man .. Really .. From 1st to last line kept me wanting to read .. Not many pieces do that for me anymore .. Good job .. Again ur vocab is dope man .. I didn't need no dictionary this time tho .. That's cuz I juss related the word to the rest of the sentence .. I really liked the message in this piece man .. I thought it was crazy .. Ain't much else I can say about the piece man .. Good job .. One

[Philo]

this was wonderful.
don't really know what to say but you remind of one of my favorite cats on the net back in teh day....
there is a skill in text...
you do well...
.peace.

[Chris Black]

This was a good piece. The vocab was good. I like the fact that even your vocab was broad, it you still used words that everyone knows. I love the first two lines. The flow was good. The topic was original, and this was an easy and enjoyable read. Worth the time. Keep up the good work.

Please drop feed here:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...10#post1232910

[Koalatee]

Thanks to everybody. I'll get on my replies tonight. .

[Freeman]

iight..

Used vocabulary well here.. It worked well with the structure to create a nice flow..
Vocabulary also helped the imagery in this piece..
Journalism class.. Lol.. Sounds interesting..
You would make a good "report writer"..
Even though you would have to make up most of it.. ..
Anyway.. Good piece..

Hit the link in my sig..

Thanks..

Pz..