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Thread: Arguement for my Soul pt.1

  1. #1
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    Arguement for my Soul pt.1

    I don't feel like doing the color things so just figure it out

    Aww yes i've visioned 19 years for the final Culmination of another Hell patient truth is i was growing Impatient/
    But this was a special caseL:wisdom and strength to lead a Nation together we'll make the deadliest Combination/
    Calm down Lucifer he is still my child asked for forgiveness everytime he acted Wild blew the whistle on himself for being Foul swore to me he'll make the right choice if in the postition he finds himself in Now/
    Oh fuck you, this kid is Mine don't you see the Signs:we came together for his inception but i laid stock in what i knew would grow to a beautifully powerfull Mind/
    He knows to use all qualities why play in traffic with your eyes closed if you're not already Blind?/
    I introduced him to a life he lusted since a tender Age, gave him his ADHD to further inflame an already temperment Rage/
    Something he read through, turned and never looked back to that Page i blessed him with the imagination to break out of his hate built Cage/
    Just the Same I made him feel the world's pain further completing the creating of an insane Savage/
    Wit the usage of his intelligence that i made sure was above Average he'll know walking with me far Surpasses what you call living Lavish/
    Who acquinted him with liquor and drugs which he eventually Used,Abused,swore off only to Return to its an unfair battle for You/
    And everytime he slid to far i pulled him back even with drastic Measures talked in his ear out of what could've been catastrophic Endeavors, you can't have him he already knows Better/
    You don't know he only speaks to you when i allow him To sober up from the wonderous mixture of liquor and Chronic Smoke/
    That goes to Show one talk is more vital from me while to Know the name of your Ship he has to repeatdly look at your Boat/


    The flow is like that because it is supposed to be long winded due to the acapella beat i have for the first part.
    Last edited by Gunman tha Great; March 2nd, 2004 at 12:56 PM

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Fucking SEXY! Bare Knuckles's Avatar
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    This was nicely worded, well developed, and nicely executed.

    Aww yes i've visioned 19 years for the final Culmination of another Hell patient truth is i was growing Impatient/
    But this was a special caseL:wisdom and strength to lead a Nation together we'll make the deadliest Combination/
    This was so conversational, and it brought me straight into the mood of the play. The way you said, "Truth is I was growing impatient" in the first line makes it seem as if you are directly speaking to me, the reader. I enjoyed that aspect about your piece.

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  4. #4
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    ^^^^^^^^Appreciate it, i'll put out pt.2 tomorrow probably.

  5. #5
    \(^-^)/ Freeman's Avatar
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    Wow.. This was different..

    The rhyme scheme in this was.. Erm.. Different..

    Like Bare said.. It was actually like me sitting down with you and you where actually just talking to me.. That is due to the fact the bars are very long winded.. Just like regular conversation..

    Was a very new thing.. Never seen it before.. Nice vocabulary and so on.. Your English teacher should be proud.. Lol..

    Nice piece my friend..

    Hit up my topical battle against SmokaJoka666 in Elevated.. Its no polls.. So ya know.. Do your thing..

    Some of my other pieces are in my sig.. And in the PM you requested..

    Thanks..

    Pz..

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  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Freeman
    Like Bare said.. It was actually like me sitting down with you and you where actually just talking to me.. That is due to the fact the bars are very long winded.. Just like regular conversation..

    Was a very new thing.. Never seen it before.. Nice vocabulary and so on.. Your English teacher should be proud.. Lol..
    Pz..
    Yeah i wanted it to seem like a regular conversation until the story goes further and further down the line, well fuck it you'll see when it comes out.

  7. #7
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    Flow was - undecided - I see what you were doing though and i think it's pretty nice. Vocab was quite good. Structure as already mentioned, and as you know, was different - you brought across the conversational feel well. I'll look for the others. Hit my Lamentations if you can, if you already have try me SyaNidal collab - thnx.

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    Hence Forward

  8. #8
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    Long time no talk...where the fuc* you been at!!!
    Anywho,this was a very nice piece...as usual you took a boring topic and made it enjoyable..peace

  9. #9
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    upping it so you can read this one b4 reading part 2

  10. #10
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    gun.... interesting style... hard to get the flow, but i got it...lol..... not sure on it tho... ive read better from you,,, flow wise... is this a new style your working on?... i think it needs some work, but has potential i like to see new shit.... instead of the same from every one.... so props for that.... your vocab was good.... sorry bout the short reply... jus thought id comment on the style...lol.... ill get to part 2 lataz.... hit mine up man.... thnx....
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    uppidy up up, it isn't really a new style i just felt like doing some new shit.

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