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Thread: Defly Unheard

  1. #1
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    Defly Unheard

    NOMINATE ME!!!

    My face wrenchs as my mouth sends forth silent energy
    an inaudible sentence with the character of violent tendencies
    The shockwave unfelt except to those with thought to hear
    its locked fate is verbally bereft and destined to disappear
    It's aggravating to spit so intense without any recognition
    not captivating, despite the emense amount of conviction
    that I pour into my works, and still I seem to go unnoticed
    and more and more it hurts, but I stay diligent and focused
    Because someday I will emerge above the crowds so glorious
    My love for the art will surge me forward alone and victorious
    But until that day, I'll stay working hard, wishing to be heard
    and daily I will pray, that I'll draw the right card and surprise the earth
    With a vocal rendition worthy of praise from the Lord himself
    and my focal exhibition will raise my social status and my wealth
    I know no one will hear this, as I speak silently through the screen
    I flow so none will fear this, as I emerge into my very dream...

  2. #2
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    Don't know why folks are sleeping. Flow was sick, Vocab was sick, Emotion was sick, etc. - you get the picture. You had rhymes coming constantly - nice. None of them seemed to detract from the thought either - so props. It was all nice but I thought the last 6 lines rhymes droppen off some from the beginning - but the closing thought was nice as well. My only contention is that I like longer pieces - but nice work. I wasn't going to reply to this because I thought that made more of a statement but since it wasn't getting any views either I decided to up it.

    Peace.

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  3. #3
    Smoker The Joker SmokaJoka's Avatar
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    yeah...this was a nice piece i must say.....good vocab....good flow....good structure...not really too much of a topic....but u stayed in with good imagery and emotion....kinda too lazy to give one of my large in depth breakdowns....but overall a good drop...not really good enough for a nomination though....

    Vocab - very good
    Flow - very good
    Structure - very good
    Emotion - very good
    Originality - good
    Imagery - very good
    Overall - a nice piece...like i said before....you had good multis...and everything basically....just not a too heated topic......nice work though...

    Rating
    8.5/10

    peace

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  4. #4
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    You need to leave 2 links of replies you left or this will get closed, Thanks.

  5. #5
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=115362
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=116860

    - these are feedbacks he gave - I'm just making sure this doesn't get closed.

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  6. #6
    ...practice makes poetry
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    It's aggravating to spit so intense without any recognition
    not captivating, despite the emense amount of conviction
    that I pour into my works, and still I seem to go unnoticed
    and more and more it hurts, but I stay diligent and focused
    ^^ nice... i love this ... and it's soooo true...

    you speak with the clarity of a young Robert Frost...this is tight in vocab and structure was so fluid I didn't have trouble reading at all... thanks for my morning smile... the only thing i can say is that you could have gotten a bit more witty... flip the phrases and such around to get a bit more depth from the wordplay... but that is i guess a bit excessive for something with this emotion... i like simplicity in this case... so... don't change actually... don't listen to me at all...

    peep my work...

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=117065
    Hence Forward

  7. #7
    State_of_Mind
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    the flow was off da chian...nice vocab....8/10 Props Split

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...243post1223243

  8. #8
    Newbie Genazyde's Avatar
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    Whao! This was dope... tha only thing was badd about it was that tha verse was kinda short, you know? No hate, lemme break this down...

    Flow - Tha shit was off tha chain, felt this throughout... you spent a while craft'n this fasho...

    Structure - This was hott throughout too, not one line had fallen off, it really brought out tha flow in this...

    Overall - 9/10... this would maybe been a 10/10 if this verse was a li'l longer, you feel me? But no hate, this is one of tha hottest drops on RB, period

    one

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  9. #9
    /:Ayura:\
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    This was pretty good.

    My face wrenchs as my mouth sends forth silent energy
    an inaudible sentence with the character of violent tendencies
    Opening lines we're booming.

    keep it up and keep elavating.

  10. #10
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    dosey-do, and up we go -

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