SS:Bad To Worse

[Throwaway123]

He left me last night, without saying goodbye..
He didn’t even console me when I began to cry..
I looked for support, yet it was nowhere to be seen..
Not even an I’m sorry, yet we were together since 14..
I mean last week we were so happy together..
We said forever, yet it soon became never..
I don’t know if I will ever see him again..
Why did you not think about how I felt? Ben..
Always thinking about yourself, didn’t I matter..
Or did you care if my heart began to shatter..
Why did you do this to me, what did I ever do..
If I knew I would of changed, just for you..
………………………….
I started to cry as I watched you from a distance..
I moved closer, yet I felt a certain resistance..
Tears rolled down my eyes, I could no longer take it..
I took a deep breath, and told myself I could make it..
I held your coat, your ring and this poem tight..
I handed it to you, hoping that you just might..
Get that look in your eyes and come back to me..
So I lingered in the moment, to wait and see..
No response, so I just turned away and cried..
Promised myself I wouldn’t look back, but I lied..
As I looked back they closed the coffin, with you inside..

[Throwaway123]

Replied to:
...Flowerd By Mentill
Cyper By Mentill And Whitelightning

[Masahiko.]

emotional.. this is a very great piece.. im so glad it was short and to the point.. instead of long and umm wtf u know but u did a great job real emotions flowing throughout the whole entire piece

pleez hit up my open mic in my sig..

[Savir]

dope...

i like the emotion...the story...
this kinda shit is tight..with great feeling and imagery..
very well worded...no overuse of vocab..no underuse...
not that i really care...just for sake of critique..
nothin really bad to say bou tthis piece...pretty
dope drop..peep second in sig....

[Penskills]

Wack!

[SMZ]

Very nice piece. Great imagery and nice surprise there at the end. Like said above short and to the point but it didn't feel too short - nice work. I guess I would have liked to see a little more complex scheme but the word choice was so good that didn't detract much. Really liked:

Why did you do this to me, what did I ever do..
If I knew I would of changed, just for you
and

I held your coat, your ring and this poem tight..
I handed it to you, hoping that you just might
and and

Promised myself I wouldn’t look back, but I lied..
As I looked back they closed the coffin, with you inside

Nice piece - hit my Lamentations if you get a chance.

[Throwaway123]

uppin this for more peeps

[Savir]

thanks for peepin my open mic