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Thread: The Odyssey of ORION

  1. #1
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    Exclamation The Odyssey of ORION

    Imagine traveling to far away galaxies/
    And interplanetary pathways to alternate realities//
    Imagine witnessing the creation of a star/
    The start of blue-green nebular and triangular quasars//
    Interstellar spacecraft/
    Many different, metal mechanisms, that attach, rotate and de-attach//
    Accurate lazers blast asteroids into space dust,/
    Advanced androids circulate synthetic fake blood//
    Humanoid machines/
    Conversate with aliens that originate from the outer regions//
    Baron landscapes on planets without gravity, and annual artic seasons//
    Speaking in languages that have unexplained meanings//
    Aliens on they knees, praying to an alien Jesus/
    Reading holographic bibles, inside flying cathedrals//
    A scientific genius, takes a genetically enhanced fetus/
    To a secret lab, to breed it with an unknown creed of genus//
    After many failed attempts to create a new form of species/
    He creates me, a neo-mutant emcee eating demon//
    Professional, expert at unfolding polyhedrons/
    An evil spectre, that is speechless, with no facial features, //
    Phenotype tests reached completion, I was placed in the Lake of Geneva/
    And told I would be released when the year 3000 A.D. comes//
    I was kept in a translucent glass container/
    Locked away safe, in chryo stasis, and labeled dangerous//
    But I was awake the whole time, unable to move my arms and legs, and/
    So many centuries passed I forgot what my age was//
    The only form of entertainment, was a gray screen/
    That displayed digits, which represented my physical status//
    I stayed there, placed in my chamber, interpreting data/
    Writing lyrics on invisible, sub-mental pages//
    Until I was able to break free from containment/
    I escaped by levitating passed the planets gravitational wavelengths//
    I Travled until I discovered a metallic space station/
    Where I learned the ways, and trained with intergalactic space rangers//
    We became the strongest team of assassination/
    Entering battle armored with titanium chest plates and bangles//
    Lazer-sharpened sabers, with sacred incantations/
    Engraved sideways along the blade, but its forbidden for me to say them//
    I would throw stainless steel razors from my ankle/
    Obliterating the Agents that came from many different angles//
    Everyday I increased my speed and agility,
    Eventually, I was a master of supernatural abilities//
    I would lift objects mentally/
    I would attack with telepathic suggestions, and blast red kinetic energy//
    A mysterious being, speaking in metaphors and similes/
    With regenerative skin, that heals deep scars and injuries//
    Rendering opponents unconscious/
    Each victory allowed me to reach the end of the evolutionary process//
    The body was merged with, divine knowledge and it hurt but/
    It was all part of my conversion to Emcee-Nocturnis//
    One million light years away from The Earth’s surface/
    Hibernating at hyper-velocity, with nightmares of imperfect verses//
    A brain capacity as expansive, as The Universe is/
    I contemplate on unleashing the most Merciless raps that anyone has ever heard of//
    The first planet, I surge past is/
    Mercury, a burnt granite, dirt rock plastered with purple ashes//
    Bursting out of volcanic masses/
    Venus was a green Earth-like circle, Permeated by inert nerve gasses//
    Sea-serpents, submerged in underwater currents/
    Emerge from oceans and swerve across the firmament//
    The final page of my journey back to Earth turns/
    As my space module crashes into the dirt and burns//
    Hazel colored smoke hangs above the crater/
    Made by the rectangular shape of the space tanker//
    In it lies my carcass entangled in cables/
    I fade in and out, Painfully I open my eyes and begin to wake up//
    I receive static from the space station/
    On the cosmic radio, as gamma ray wave communication breaks up//
    The anger inside changes my bio-chemical make up/
    While I make major Repairs to my five cybernetic chain guns//
    Then I set out to vanquish, all the glitches in The Matrix/
    Anxiously awaiting to exact revenge against The Nation…
    Last edited by ORION; August 30th, 2004 at 12:55 PM

  2. #2
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    Fuck, that was long...i liked the way you kept on the subject...good rhymes, nice flow, "On the cosmic radio, as gamma ray wave communication breaks up//
    The anger inside changes my bio-chemical make up/
    While I make major Repairs to my five cybernetic chain guns//
    Then I set out to vanquish, all the glitches in The Matrix/" that was heavy...overall it was tight but the words seemed forced if ya get me...it was confusing, but you could make it less confusing by adding a chorus...good story though...i say 8.5/10.

  3. #3
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    ok - needs some structural work but some nice rhymes. Good vocab level. Pretty good intro piece - liked:
    "A scientific genius, takes a genetically enhanced fetus/
    To a secret lab, to breed it with an unknown creed of genus"
    but thought you needed to work on lines like:
    "Rendering opponents unconscious/
    Each victory allowed me to reach the end of the evolutionary process//"
    keep writing - hit something in my sig - preferably Broken Metamorphosis if you haven't yet.

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    I'm dead.


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    Hence Forward

  4. #4
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    Yeah this was alright.....kinda long lol....i agree with SMZ it needs some work on the structure....the flow in this was pretty good, it stayed on point through out the piece....you had good vocab in this....ovearall a alright piece...keep at it.

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    thank you for your feedback...lets keep it comin..

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    Good shit seriously really long but fun to read and didnt stale hope you battle as well as you freestyle good flow goin on. and good lyrics.

    Please vote on this battle i only need three votes to win but please vote honestly.

    BlackGrenade VS ShortY

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    when it comes to the structure...thats just my style..i dont believe in always making every line of every bar the exact amount of syllables....i spit kinda fast so im able to stay on beat with the long lines...thats why i use alot of similar sounding words to link it all up...(but yeah..sometimes i do try to say too much)
    Last edited by ORION; February 16th, 2004 at 07:45 PM

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    nice shit man.. the first bit was ill as shit.. if you structure was a bit better.. wow ... I dunno why i loved this pice.. All prop to u man

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    thanks man.......i couldnt agree with you more...naw just playin....^^^^^^^^up one more time^^^^^^^^^

  10. #10
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    hey nice shit man.. stretched as fuck tho.. work on ya structure.. but besides that this shit is ill.. looks good orion really.. i think you showed tru emotion and thats what this shit is all about.. getin shit off ya chest.. good shit.. hit mines up
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=114649
    The Legion

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    HoF x5

  11. #11
    Back By Popular Demand... ELEETE's Avatar
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    Wow this was lonooooooooong! Ok the structure could use some work but man some of this shit was interesting as fuck........made me stop at times an go........"eh i wonder?" Dope topic......your imagery was great and your vocab was expansive! good shit............all aroung this was really good! Peace!

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    ^^^^^^^Uppin one last time...................

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    i've been gone for a while....i just want to see if i can get some more feedback

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    Speaking in languages that have unexplained meanings//
    Aliens on they knees, praying to an alien Jesus/
    Creativity as its best. Structure doesnt appeal to me, cus I have an open minded sense of reading, and it flowed perfect for me. Reminded me alittle of Ikon the Verbal Hologram, the way you worded the sentences into an explosive fashion, and just instantly screaming your "picture literature" straight out. Love all that space shit.

    Im going to send you a PM mate, your one of "Us Demons Of Words", if you know what i mean

  15. #15
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    Damn, this was really nice I thought... long, but nice.
    Vocab was definitely ur best aspect, stood out most..
    flow was insane, I liked the stop n go.. felt strong flow,
    and had some real nice multis and rhyming of syllables,
    overall, I enjoyed this concept.. done well
    Real cool read, keep up..

    My fav line was the alien Jesus line^ like he said..
    but you had a few quotables
    PandorasBox



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