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Thread: now you see it, now you don't -

  1. #1
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    Join Date
    May 2003
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    20,660
    Battle Record
    18-0

    now you see it, now you don't -

    a glittering image, out of my peripheral vision
    transposed by the ganglion into different positions,
    lets me envision, my new self, no fun prevented
    Feebz does whatever comes to Mind, no pun intended
    not to gain exposure, in a sane compusure,
    we all grow sick & tired, of remaining kosher ..
    all of those dreams, are swirled, condensed to,
    just one thought - that the world's against you,
    and you want to avenge it, but vengance
    will land you in court, a dumb defendant.
    i sense that, soon those that hurt me,
    will be twisted, slandered, posed-con-versely.
    this guy i hated, a scapegoat, he was to be,
    i figured revenge was worth it, even if cuz of me,
    i took the hurt to heart, decide to live it,
    throw it back at him, and despise forgiveness,
    my mindset was all for me, i dont have to give,
    not realizing i was just deprived of happiness,
    and rapping it, gets the pain out of me,
    hoping yall aint doubting me.. doubtfully,
    clout & steez aren't help if your down in the dumps, yo
    & i dont feel better clowin these chumps, yo
    taking out on others, dont rid my own depression,
    my morality, decided to make its own progression,
    by my own confession, im not the best of persons,
    but my choices are getting better - unless it worsens,
    try not making bad decisions, tell yourself how u won't,
    cuz that past mistake - now you see it, now you don't

  2. #2
    None
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    18-0
    Last edited by Richard Parker; February 22nd, 2004 at 09:32 PM

  3. #3
    Rock you in the Face Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
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    36
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    Battle Record
    7-15
    Well..The beginning started off pretty slow, It was bleh, flow was especially choppy there, and some lines seemed pretty cheesy, like the no pun intended line. You picked up as the piece progressed and ended it on a nice page. My suggestion is for you to keep a consistent flow, because it was kind of choppy at times, Also, you lost focus of the topic, and I felt you could've have ended it alot better, to give the piece a better feel. You gave it a nice emotional feel to it. Pretty good.
    Hence Forward.. BURR!
    [YOUTUBE]seYxVBIsycE[/YOUTUBE]
    Just watch My Back, I got the front.

  4. #4
    Administrator ILLunatic's Avatar
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    Battle Record
    124-23
    Awards 100+ Wins OM HOF SOTW
    LMFAO..
    This was decent
    Obviously..
    Your new to OM
    But you got skill
    Keep it up homie


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  5. #5
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    no .. i just don't care, i Key my OM's.
    to the kid who posted 6 times , im going to delete them for you.

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    940
    ok . I saw a side to this that connected with me. The contence was really good and i especially liked this bit:

    and you want to avenge it, but vengance
    will land you in court, a dumb defendant.
    i sense that, soon those that hurt me,
    will be twisted, slandered, posed-con-versely.
    this guy i hated, a scapegoat, he was to be,
    i figured revenge was worth it, even if cuz of me,
    i took the hurt to heart, decide to live it,
    throw it back at him, and despise forgiveness,
    my mindset was all for me, i dont have to give,
    not realizing i was just deprived of happiness,

    no need to say that vocab was good, flowed nice as well. Couple of things i didnt like is how at the beggining it sorta didnt have the connection to the rest of it. Or maybe its just how i saw it! but it sure picked up. Nice work man.

  7. #7
    L0st S0ul
    Guest
    Good piece, did go away from tha topic a little, but you had descent flow and good imagary..Not bad piece keep it up..
    ~1~

  8. #8
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    Hi Feeb.............................................. .................................................. ..

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