no reply? cmon Hit dis up...
no reply? cmon Hit dis up...
ScytsoPhrenia
CrazyDope
Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
"You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!
very nice peice...shows good story telling abuility...work on vocab tho...some of the vocab you did use didnt seem like it was fitted well...or just poorly used...good story tho...kinda wants to make me see what happens next...good job
Scytsophrenia
I agree this was a really nice piece.....i enjoyed this......good imagary i thought in this....structure seemed alright in it.....the flow was good overall.....you had alright vocab in it......good story telling....overall a nice piece....keep at it.
uppin fo more feedback...
(im stil yet to be nominated)
ScytsoPhrenia
CrazyDope
Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
"You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!
iight... i peeped the first one before this one... big mistake... this shyt was hott dunny... better then the second... but that is just my opinon... sickness dawg... you got madd skills with the time needed... niceness to the fullest... u killed it in every aspect... Yep
Caesar - On3
~Sitting In Elevation Position~
CorruptedVisions
The Forgotten UnMasked Legend... Is Back...
Hmmmm ..
.. this actually wasnt as bad as i expected it to be, you definatly have the potential there as a topical head. At times it was the wording that let this piece down, other time's the writers voice just lacked real impact but if you worked on those, you'd have a pretty solid basis to work from. Aside from that, the flow was straight as i read this, transitions werent bad, again, could use work - but you seem to of grasped the basics needed for a piece. Where i DID feel you lacked was in imagery and portrail, you should of used a section at the beginning to describe the surroundings .. the atmosphere .. give it more of a plot-build up and THEN going into the piece.
Not a bad start, storytelling is one of the hardest forms to write to i feel, its gonna take a long time before you master it - but hey, we all start somewhere. Just keep at it man. = )
WORD P e r f e c t !
RESERVOIR GODS
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uppin dis
ScytsoPhrenia
CrazyDope
Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
"You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!
Fuck sake.. Newbs get off his dick..
It was a decent OM.. Still needs some work though.. No-one is perfect.. And all these newbs are making you out to be just that.. No..
Your flow was iight.. Structure needs to be sorted.. Dont do all the colours.. Stick to a normal font and/or italics..
The content of this piece was actually good.. Like certain people have picked up on..
Im not putting it down in the slightest.. It was very good seeing as your new to the "story-telling" half of OM.. Better than alot of people here.. Constructive critisism.. Use it wisely my friend..
Hit up the OM in my sig.. Please.. Thanks..
Pz..
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yah this piece was ill mos def. good flow, good story tellin, ok structure but wuteva as long as u can read it. deep, mos def. i really liked it, nice drop man keep it up
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Maybe true probly is... thanks for the feed though freeOriginally Posted by Freeman
I no you werent directing that at me... and uh yeah I posted
this to get critiqued by people of skill as in people like you,
pen, baron etc. I kinda just started on the story stuff so...
ScytsoPhrenia
CrazyDope
Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
"You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!
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