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Thread: What if...

  1. February 17th, 2004, 07:43 PM #1
    FreeThinker
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    What if...

    What if.. we could travel back in time
    see the dinasaurs or Shakespear rhyme
    What if.. our existance could be forever
    imagine the things we would see and indevour
    What if...intelligent beings from outta space
    came to our planet..and we mixed with their race
    What if.. our future like a book could be read
    we could control our destiny years and years ahead

    What if... There was no racism or terrorism
    we wouldnt have lived through wars and NaZism
    What if...we stop the polutions and helped earth
    welcome the new generation to a clean place at birth
    What if.... there was no poverty on this globe
    imagine watching happiness and love explode......
    What if... If I could do something to help the situation
    Well you could... if that was the feeling throught the nation

    What if... I cared more about the way i live and my health
    If a good heart came to me before money and wealth
    What if... I took sometime to help the less fortunate
    instead of worrying about work and weather am late
    What if... I recycled and picked up the litter around
    instead of being lazy and just chucking rubish on the ground
    What if...this goes through a million ears and out a million more
    well we'll continue seeing poverty , hunger and another war
    Last edited by FreeThinker; February 17th, 2004 at 07:49 PM
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  2. February 17th, 2004, 08:16 PM #2
    FreeThinker
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    uppin for some feedback
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  3. February 17th, 2004, 08:36 PM #3
    Freeman
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    iight...

    Here's your feedback...

    First verse...

    Nice flow... Good concepts and ideas in it aswell... Makes you think "What If"... Lol...

    Second Verse...

    Nice multi... Same as first verse aswell... Flow, concepts and so on... Nice last line aswell...

    Third Verse...

    Nice closer... Ended it quite nicely... Same as first two verses in all other aspects...

    Overall...

    Nice consistent verses... Good use of vocabulary, flow, concepts and ideas, structure...
    Wasnt feeling the colours though... Dont do that next time...

    Maybe a stronger ending could of been used... Just to of left us thinking "What If"...

    Wierd sort of thing really... Contradicting yourself each line... Worked though... ...

    Keep it up...

    Hit this up for me please...

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...20#post1193020

    Thanks...

    Pz...

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  4. February 17th, 2004, 09:33 PM #4
    FreeThinker
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    ^^ thanks man uppin2
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  5. February 17th, 2004, 09:41 PM #5
    Independent
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    any1 up to battling?
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  6. February 18th, 2004, 12:22 AM #6
    FreeThinker
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    uppin......
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  7. February 18th, 2004, 01:22 AM #7
    Prince Adem
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    Dope shit.... I felt this topic alot... you touched on some dope issues... i can relate... im always too lazy to chuck rubbish in a bin...

    You had some good vocab, but what really stood out was your flow... i read this aloud to myself and it flowed perfectly...

    I just felt some more multis could be used.... otherwise dope as fuck.... congrats and keep up the good work 9/10
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  8. February 18th, 2004, 01:07 PM #8
    Mistral
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    I agree this was a nice piece.....I enjoyed the read....I was going to do something like this but I wasnt sure how I wanted to do it, but you beat me to it haha...the structure was good in all three verses.....the content in all of them were nice I thought...some lines had me thinking lol....but overall a nice piece....keep at it.
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  9. February 18th, 2004, 03:01 PM #9
    Knowledge
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    very nice peice..i enjoyed readin' it
    what if though..if none of that happened we'd probably be doin' it all today(though we do most of it)
    like they say, we learn from our mistakes.
    nice flow, creativty and topic relevance throught the whole peice..

    peace
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  10. February 18th, 2004, 05:47 PM #10
    FreeThinker
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    Thanks for the feedback guys
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  11. February 18th, 2004, 06:34 PM #11
    Masahiko.
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    really nice piece the title fits it perfect you had good flow throughout the whole thing.. u killed this.. woo this shit is dope.. really good piece eki.. i gotcha
    8.5/10 to 9.5/10.. it could go either way
    The Legion

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    HoF x5
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  12. February 18th, 2004, 06:42 PM #12
    Brother Blue Collar
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    alot what if reminds me of Firestarr solo shit what if good drop alot what if i think about sumtimes is in there so i can relate nice drop
    I believe i'm making some good music, please just wait for me




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  13. February 18th, 2004, 06:42 PM #13
    Throwaway123
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    good read, you raised alot of questions that are surrounding society right now, yuou had good flow through out all of them, and I liked your last verse it was a good way to end off your piece.. very insightful..
    Artificial Intelligence
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  14. February 19th, 2004, 01:41 PM #14
    Baron Mynd
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    Hmmm ..
    .. Not really a l;ot to critique on this one, too short to really get indepth .. The flow was straight, concept was pretty original in my opinion .. raised some nice points and had a few ok idea's BUT - where you did lack was the content in this, it'd be improved a lot if you had used multi's and internals to pull this together .. writers voice never really spoke out to me through this .. transitions were there, but too rushed i felt .. you should of took one idea, and expanded on it for longer than two lines, then gradually eased into the next idea and so on and so on .. dont rush it.

    Potential's there though. = )

    WORD P e r f e c t !

    RESERVOIR GODS


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  15. February 19th, 2004, 05:25 PM #15
    Endeva.
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    i agrree with the general feeling... it was a solid drop... really hit some issues,,, bit basic scheme wise, but flow and meaning was good... nice work.... what more can i say that hasnt been said
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