..Broken Dreams..(Short Story)-{Take Your Time and Read)

[Penskills]

[Edicius]

Geeeeeeezus christ, this was some long ass shit =P
But a good paiting u pictured, .. w/ a dope story line!..kept me reading, .. & ur flowwas on point, due the inners & multisnot much but they were there when needed, .

She licked her lips, their fullness bleeding to her clenching teeth, she let go of the words
Watching the woman, the blonde woman in the window… Cinderella naked, laughing
She gave herself to that moment, and stepped off the sonic pounding stars shooting
As the little wisps of blossom engulfing lips, nipped the souls of her feet
A life fell into her open arms, and it wasn’t hers, she watched a continuity of a dreams cheat


Liked this, .. very very dope, & its a solid read.. + its dope it enjoyed me, props.

[Penskills]

Geeeeeeezus christ, this was some long ass shit =P
But a good paiting u pictured, .. w/ a dope story line!..kept me reading, .. & ur flowwas on point, due the inners & multisnot much but they were there when needed, .

She licked her lips, their fullness bleeding to her clenching teeth, she let go of the words
Watching the woman, the blonde woman in the window… Cinderella naked, laughing
She gave herself to that moment, and stepped off the sonic pounding stars shooting
As the little wisps of blossom engulfing lips, nipped the souls of her feet
A life fell into her open arms, and it wasn’t hers, she watched a continuity of a dreams cheat


Liked this, .. very very dope, & its a solid read.. + its dope it enjoyed me, props.

^Thanks Eddy!...I know it's a bit long...I think it came out very well...Thanks...

[Topic]

wow....i read another one of your frickin essays...its kinda like eating candy corn in the sence your like hey look pen dropped again lets see it then bam you see how long it is but you cant stop yourself because its candy but it tastes like corn...well now. This was an amazing peice i love your imagination and your skill to keep me interested throughout the whole story...some lines kinda blew by me but thats just because im not at your level of thinking...great peice, faily long but worth the read...good luck man

[spokenoh]

The oasis of smiles, and thorns burned to grounds sipped her life away
In nothingness, I exist… she thought, but the words came slow, and her rope began to fray

Good imaginery...Good storytelling...I found the flow awkward, but it tended to straighten out later on...Very long piece...I did skip a bit of it...But had to return to get the full effect. What voacab! Nice piece...9/10

[LM]

When you said short story I didnt expect this....

Dope piece. Creativity, vocab, flow was all up to par.
You got a good chance of gettin into Legends with this piece.
Good work

[Penskills]

When you said short story I didnt expect this....

Dope piece. Creativity, vocab, flow was all up to par.
You got a good chance of gettin into Legends with this piece.
Good work

^LOL..thanks for taking your tiem to read this!

[ELEETE]

Daaaaaaaaaamn Pen, this shit was long.....but the way you portrayed the picture through your words was great!....this was a great story, an the way you told it made it that much better......all in all it was a dope piece.....like always your flow was there (flawlessly)......good shit Pen keep it up......peace!

[Penskills]

The oasis of smiles, and thorns burned to grounds sipped her life away
In nothingness, I exist… she thought, but the words came slow, and her rope began to fray

Good imaginery...Good storytelling...I found the flow awkward, but it tended to straighten out later on...Very long piece...I did skip a bit of it...But had to return to get the full effect. What voacab! Nice piece...9/10

^Thank you-Thank you~ I will personaly thank every one who reads this!

[Penskills]

wow....i read another one of your frickin essays...its kinda like eating candy corn in the sence your like hey look pen dropped again lets see it then bam you see how long it is but you cant stop yourself because its candy but it tastes like corn...well now. This was an amazing peice i love your imagination and your skill to keep me interested throughout the whole story...some lines kinda blew by me but thats just because im not at your level of thinking...great peice, faily long but worth the read...good luck man

^I'm Humbled....

[FanTa ZeE]

'essay?' damn straight, but if i was grading it, i'd give it an A*! yeah, really cool story, your vocab is like woah..cool, i didn't think it was a piece to be rhymed, more a piece to be told..i dunno, i guess you could work it from that angle, like spoken poetry..

[Penskills]

'essay?' damn straight, but if i was grading it, i'd give it an A*! yeah, really cool story, your vocab is like woah..cool, i didn't think it was a piece to be rhymed, more a piece to be told..i dunno, i guess you could work it from that angle, like spoken poetry..

^Thanks..Dork

[Penskills]

..Uppin....^^
I really want this to be read...

[Illus']

The best lines in my opinion :
“She fell and ran and fell again into the lifeless, collecting dirt
Blinded by mingling salt and water, bloody holes scraped into her skirt
Tripping through Snow Blvd, and landing up in pain and regret on White Ave.
She hid inside a trees deep wooden embrace, allowing her eyes to search its oaken figure for a secure cue”

Great story line pretty long it said short story …but I guess it was to you.
Nice very nice unique concepts. Reminds of dreams I have. I wonder do
You have abstract weird dreams? Anyways nice drop as usual keep it up
Peace.

[Laureate]

ya very long...but very good too. Reminded me of 'The Raven' by Edgar Allan Poe for sum reason....at least the beginning...your use oj adjectives were good....Excellant imagry....Flow wasn't there all the time...but in a peice like this it didn't really matter....Your vocab is also very good...this would be a dope short store... Good up...Keep doin it like ya doin