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Thread: The Sky...

  1. February 5th, 2004, 05:15 PM #1
    Freeman
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    The Sky...

    Day...

    An inverted orb.. Concave mirror reflecting the paleness of the land
    An ever changing mass of colour...
    ... It is something that is never bland
    Ever swirling patterns.. Encrypted into the sky.. The cloud
    Tatooed masses of vapour...
    ... Imprinted on the blue background
    Colour so pure.. Smoothness erupts at you from every direction
    Such a deep and meaningful blue...
    ... It is truly perfection


    Sunset...

    The Sun collides with the horizon.. Releasing a magnificent array of beams
    Such a sight is unthinkable...
    ... Not even inside peoples dreams
    Awe inspiring vision.. Such a glorious wonder of the world to behold
    Amazing natural brilliance...
    ... Is something that never could be controlled
    Something so wonderful.. A sight that could easily be a mirage of the mind
    The horizon and the Sun become as one...
    ... Light and Dark start become intertwined


    Night...

    A mingled mass.. Shining array of pin-holes in the canvas of the sky
    Beautifully crafted by a master worksman...
    ... It could bring a tear to your eye
    Craning necks leer.. Dumb-struck faces all point upwards
    Sharp beams of light pierce...
    ... And gleam like polished swords
    Affection from the sky.. A message passed down through the night
    No matter how glum the face...
    ... The Sky can fill it with delight

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  2. February 5th, 2004, 05:22 PM #2
    Ron B. Vicious
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    Make the font bigger. Good drop.
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  3. February 5th, 2004, 05:22 PM #3
    nolonger
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    sweet man this is another tite drop dogg keep em cumin...(he learnt fro the mster<)lmfa...........................
    your flow was nice with a dope structure.....................
    wordplay was nice with complexed words...kinda like poem material man,
    my best verse was the night one this was dope with a nice closer keep it up free......

    ........................pz

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  4. February 5th, 2004, 05:24 PM #4
    Penskills
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    This was very good..your imagery was fantastic..your flow was nice..and your unique structures makes it easy to follow and read..you have outdone your other OM's..which is amazing...keep up the good work...^^
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  5. February 5th, 2004, 05:25 PM #5
    Born To Kill
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    Very dope little piece...

    I'm so fucking funny...I called it a little piece...little font, little piece! Get it!!!

    But this was good.

    The first stanza was, in my opinion, more poetic...
    The rhyme scheme was a bit off for rap.
    But it was really nice.

    The 2nd and last stanzas are definately more rap.
    I saw ya rhyme scheme fall into place...

    Good imagery, kinda felt the emotion lacked even though ya kinda touched on it.

    I'd have liked to know why you liked the sky so much aside from it's outward beauty...

    Did you share the sky with someone, is that where you pray to, looking upward?

    Shit like that would have been some nice background info...

    But all around, this was pretty flawless for what it was...

    A short, deep piece about The Sky.

    Peace
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  6. February 5th, 2004, 05:49 PM #6
    TonyStubaH n H2o
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    ....Very good drop....the flow was good....
    .:TonyStubaH n H20:.

    "B62 CRU"

    open mic...


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  7. February 5th, 2004, 06:03 PM #7
    Mistral
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    I agree this was another nice drop by you man....I really liked this piece.....You had real nice imagery in this like your last piece i read but i think this one was better...the flow was nice in this i thought, stayed on pretty well in it....The content was real nice as well i thought, pretty nice.....I like reading your stuff...keep dropping man
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  8. February 5th, 2004, 07:55 PM #8
    FormulaMC
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    Damn Freeman. . My Fault It Took So Long. . But I Don't Have Long To Reply. . Imagery Was Fantastic, On A Penskills Level, Heh. . Content Was Great. . I Like How You Portrayed Each Part Of The Day. . First Verse Was A Little More On The Poetic Side. . You Had Rap Come Out In The The Last 2. . Like B2K Said. . Flow Was Lost On The Poet Verse. . Last 2 Had The Flow And Was Picked Up Easily. . Keep Droppin' Shit Like This Man. . I'm Definately Feelin' It. . . Pz.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...49#post1159749
    ^ ^ Return The Favor. . Thanks.
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  9. February 6th, 2004, 02:03 AM #9
    Dios de Hip Hop
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    nice drop
    really small for me to read
    but its all good
    little more to the peotic side
    of open mic.
    but i liked the imagery, similies
    metaphors and emotions
    was a constant greatness.
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  10. February 6th, 2004, 05:55 AM #10
    Endeva.
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    im gonna start with the obvious, the imagery, it was well expressed... and with the flow of it, it really came across well... and the level of wordplay didnt go overboard, as sometimes it does with alot of it combined with alot of imagery.... yeah good drop here.... one of your better ones ive read
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]
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  11. February 6th, 2004, 06:30 AM #11
    Freeman
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    iight...

    Thanks for the comments...

    Quote Originally Posted by Gunman tha Great
    Make the font bigger. Good drop.
    When the font is made bigger... It fucks up the flow in my opinion ... Thanks for the feedback man

    Quote Originally Posted by .:K:.
    ...(he learnt fro the mster<)lmfa..
    You wish hoebag... Haha... Pz man...

    Quote Originally Posted by Penskills
    you have outdone your other OM's..which is amazing
    Thanks man! Im proud of this piece... Hopefully it will be accepted for OM of the Month or something... Pz man...

    Quote Originally Posted by Born To Kill
    I'd have liked to know why you liked the sky so much aside from it's outward beauty...

    Did you share the sky with someone, is that where you pray to, looking upward?
    Yes... Aside from the Sky being beautiful... A share it with my girlfriend... Lying on the grass... Or sitting on a bench... Under the starry Sky... Amazing...
    Yes... A pray aswell... Looking upwards... Like most do...
    People ive lost... They are in heaven watching over me... Pz man...

    Thanks for all the other people who commented... Much appreciated...

    Pz...

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  12. February 6th, 2004, 12:20 PM #12
    ELEETE
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    Yo damn free this shit is ill............i love the imagery.......the telling of it was perfect i can almost picture for real..........a true work of art.......really.......good job.......easy to read easy to follow........i like the photographer as well!! good shit!!

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  13. February 6th, 2004, 12:46 PM #13
    Chris Black
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    This was a good read. Very easy to follw. Great flow. Great imagery. This was pretty ill. I've never read you before, but after this, I'll watch for you.

    "The Sun collides with the horizon"-illness


    "A mingled mass.. Shining array of pin-holes in the canvas of the sky"-the best line. That imagery is incredible. This line was crazy.

    Keep up the good work.

    Please drop feed in one of the links in my sig.
    Hence Forward
    axis powers
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  14. February 6th, 2004, 12:54 PM #14
    FanTa ZeE
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    wow, like you swallowed a dictionary or something..that piece was like woah..
    I like the Title, it left a blank canvas for your story to unfold, i don't like titles that give everything away.. (most of mine probably do!) it takes the mystery away..i loved it, keep it up, i wish i could say something that would be of more use to you but i guess you'll be satisfied with hearing that it was dope?
    Def Poets
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  15. February 6th, 2004, 01:16 PM #15
    Baron Mynd
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    Cool piece ..
    .. imagery was prolly its strong point .. seemed to have a sense of what good writing is, though that font size was gay = / .. Photographer verse was the standout, rest had potential there. Needs a little work on flow and multi's to really get it penned down i thought ..

    Not bad though. >=)

    WORD P e r f e c t !

    RESERVOIR GODS


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