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Thread: CV-(look credz i did it right) title: Watching My Steps

  1. #1
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    CV-(look credz i did it right) title: Watching My Steps

    trying out different styles, not so sure i like this peice that much, but might as well drop it

    watching my steps

    The boy

    Shatterd glass, to me its basicly the sound of relief
    for one second, steve, can be off my ass, good greif
    hes just my stepdad, nothing to me, except paranoia
    well thats all he gives me, and hes the size of a sequoia
    plus he hits hard, and with my bad grades, i cant get far
    he tells me im nothing everyday, while hes leavin the scars
    he belongs behind bars, but im not gana be the one to rat him out
    hes my moms husband, so respect is the only thing out of my mouth
    he came from the south, lies and says its normal to take licks
    he makes me sick, litterally my stomach cant take swift kicks
    hes a dick, he wont even try to just be my friend
    ever since the day i met him, my lifes been in a bend
    i guess my mom likes him, so i dont tell her what he does to me
    wouldnt wanna know what hed do if my mother would happen to see
    ide have to flee, burn the bridges behind me, and loose all past
    but to prevent that, ill just take another step, another day to last
    takes his anger out on me, im scared every time he flexes is triceps
    dont wana find out what its like when hes mad, so im watchin my steps


    the step dad

    I really cant stand my step-son, not an athlete, and doesnt hit the books
    god didnt give him anything to work with, beleive me he cant get buy on his looks
    and its fun to leave him shook, espeical when my tepors mild
    i give a meaning to beating the unexpected step child
    hes a liar, or atleast i expect him to be, theres nobody to see
    just the way he treats me alone is the reason i make him bleed
    and his mom....she dont know shit and if she did she wouldnt care
    she knows where im coming from, the kid is allways in her hair
    i know hes scared of me, and i know where he thinks the guns are kept
    so instead of watching my own, my precisly watching my stepsons steps


    the mom

    Another fight, why wont the man just leave, i mean
    ide kick him out, but i know what my son sees
    i know they get along, hes the only friend he has
    Steve treats him like his own, hes a great dad
    but a horible husband, and a jerk to just begin
    my son and him are close, i guess, he wins
    My son got beat up again, another dreadfull day at school
    i only know what he tells me, hes explained hes not cool
    but for somereason he likes it there, he loves to learn
    i admit hes not that bright, but his mind dieing to yearn
    and the bruises on his back are appaling, im afraid of what i might do
    pull my kid from school, just to help his health so he doesnt die soon
    dont know whats in his mind, and where is thoughts are kept
    so im looking back, at what went wrong and my sons previous steps

    The boys going down the wrong road, you reap what you sow
    but to hurt the mom and damage her mind she must know
    but how, only one way out, or will time just tell
    eachone thinking about someone, the boy is thinking about hell
    he just lets his wounds swell and takes another days reps
    and to determin his fate, he just watches his next step
    Scytsophrenia

  2. #2
    Banned
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    Wow, im proud of you man lol...But great drop topic....you nice imaginary in this, i liked it, pretty nice.....it had a nice flow to it i thought, stayed on pretty well through out the whole piece...overall id say everything is awesome....made a good read....keep at it.

  3. #3
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    thanx man uppin
    Last edited by Topic; February 1st, 2004 at 10:27 AM
    Scytsophrenia

  4. #4
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    uppin for feedback
    Scytsophrenia

  5. #5
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    dude..this was very nice...I was working on a piece like this..but after seeing this...I can't put it up...anyway..your imagery was great..it flowed pretty well..this was a nice piece..

  6. #6
    beyond dope.
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    Yeah this was nice, flow was ok, vocab was good on point.. & story was nice, the 3 diff story angles were nice to read, u did it well, u got some potential ... keep dropping, .. & all =) nice read man ..

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    - Artificial Intelligence

  7. #7
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    Scytsophrenia

  8. #8
    I have the biggest goddamn user title on the whole of the fucking net, your user titles pale in comparison you fucking pussies
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    i really liked this coz i was expectin the father to be all ' i love him but he hates me' sort of thing,, but the flip was amazing.. i was impressed... i think with a lot of fine tuning that concept could be a track

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  9. #9
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    well im no audio man so this will never be a audio from me, uppin
    Scytsophrenia

  10. #10
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    I thought it was an alright read in my opinion though I'd say u could do alot better if u took more time with it and I can say that I can sorta relate to this so I thought your imagery was good and u had good content with the whole story aspect of this piece. I think u coulda had some more multi's though and the rhyme scheme seemed sorta basic but it made for an easy read only thing I thought it was lacking really was wordplay. but other then that man it was an alright piece. keep droppin bro peace.
    <center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

    <center>Corrupted Visions</center>

    <center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>

    Act One:

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    color="blue"><table style=filter:GLOW(color=white)>
    Polished and refined to bring a new groove to crews/
    gestures meaning lesser to negotiations between me and you/
    so what’s this heartache all of a sudden edge’in to your seat/
    fuck it, cement shoes and 200 feet oughta be pretty sweet/</table>


    Words of Wisdom:

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    color="blue"><table style=filter:GLOW(color=white)>it's perplexity set in a realism of our world/
    it's textual content, stepping stones on broken pearls/
    if wisdom is a need be vent for visualizing truth/
    then let be proof, demise the break between adults and youth/</table>

  11. #11
    FaTaL_LyRiKzZ
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    That Was A Nice Drop Nice Vocab Flow And I Like Thee Way You Useg Imagination Flow Was Good And Also I Liked The Way You Used More Then 1 Character Thats Pretty Hard


    9.5/10

  12. #12
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    thanx uppin for feedback
    Scytsophrenia

  13. #13
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    Wow, this was pretty realistic. I can actually imagining this happening somewhere out in the world, in some low-class neighborhood. The mental pictures i get when reading this, just blows the proportion of a rhyme as i know it. The stereotype of rap isnt like this at all, its more like, some poetry, but as you think about it, rap is poetry with a beat. Some lines could have been reworded, but this was pretty good stuff. Keep up the good work. Even though this was an easy read, it still hits deep down (Hits fist on chest). Good job.
    ------------------------------------

    Contrary to what you may think:
    You are NOT a good rapper.

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  14. #14
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    well ok then uppin
    Scytsophrenia

  15. #15
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    the drop was alright nice flow and the topic was all good but u didnt use much vocab with a bit beta vocab this piece could be very good

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