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Thread: ~Journey~

  1. #1
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    ~Journey~

    ~Journey~




    ~January 27, 2004~

    My deepest decision led to leaving town for three days,
    Our arguments escalated, soon speeding down the freeway,
    Putting miles between us, hearts grow fonder with separation
    Suddenly stomped on the gas, and shot the Honda acceleratin’
    Should’ve just been patient, but made the wrong decision
    Tire popped on a rusty nail, barricades sent the Honda flippin
    Blood pooled up on the asphalt, death was likely for this creature
    Medics freed the mangled body, arriving right before the Reaper


    ~April 26, 2004~

    On the hospital’s third-floor, inside the Intensive Care Unit
    In a trance, unable to speak, I'm just sittin there clueless,
    Needles pierce pale blue skin, metallic probes Mesh with flesh
    Machines constantly beep and hiss, monitors Protect from death
    Mind replaying life’s memories, in fast-forward than rewind
    When I see a flash of her face, I shed a teardrop every time
    The crash has left me blind, I rely on memories of her smile,
    The girl I fell in love with, possibly the mother of our child.
    wanna see her laugh with glee, cant ask if she’s mad at me,
    If I could take my decisions back, we could be a happy Family
    I feel her presence every day, checking up & wishing well
    Still unable to respond, mind stayt frozen in a living hell
    Im locked away like prison cells, if it weren’t for love I’d die
    My Emotionless face stays solid, eyes are tearless but I cry,


    ~June 23, 2004~

    Light rain drops splash rhythmically, against the window pane
    Show patience with coma patients, pretend there is no pain,
    Many bandages have been removed, black and blue shades fading
    Possibly the storm has passed, it appears a new day’s breaking,
    silently sitting across from each other, we can’t share a word
    Our auras roam in different realms, still our prayers are heard..
    What we had was true love, the crash took her Away from me
    She left after bitter arguments, while discussing the pregnancy
    Showed me what true faith was, everytime we made love,
    I’ve said a million prayers hoping God will make her wake up,
    Sitting across from you in a daze, now all that’s left is wishing
    I’ve spent 6 months reliving love, can’t live a life of reminiscing
    Her physical condition’s slipping, she’ll be visited by the Reaper,
    I take a large gulp of the poison, I’ll be on the other side to meet her,
    She awoke for the final second, let out a scream to breaking water,
    Than cries, “what have you done? I gave my life to save our Daughter”
    It was too late for her to save me, inside my spirit wasn’t there,
    We fell down into the bed, lifeless eyes locked in a loving stare...
    Last edited by Penskills; March 8th, 2004 at 10:52 PM

  2. #2
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    dope. nice creativity, u are slowly molding your way to being my favorite son

  3. #3
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    ^ thanks..stepson...

  4. #4
    not sure why cats aint peeping this it was hott tight shit skills

  5. #5
    Back By Popular Demand... ELEETE's Avatar
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    Damn.........aint nothin I can say negative bout this piece.....I enjoy reading everything you drop dawg......I got madd respect for you......an take your feedback serious.....this truly deserves to be a legend....as well as yourself....props man....I look forward to reading your work in the future.....peace

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  6. #6
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    one of the strong point of this was the imagery, came across well.... also ya told it well.... kept me interested.... seems like the scheme ya using is getting better, seems alot smoother than it used to.... yeah a decent drop here..with a nice concept... nice....
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  7. #7
    i like your poetic style and storytelling....a nice theme that all can relate to...nice

  8. #8
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ELEETE
    Damn.........aint nothin I can say negative bout this piece.....I enjoy reading everything you drop dawg......I got madd respect for you......an take your feedback serious.....this truly deserves to be a legend....as well as yourself....props man....I look forward to reading your work in the future.....peace
    Cool~~~

  9. #9
    Newbie Phase Wun's Avatar
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    very creative with dates n ish, very well written alltogether a good piece....

    killa..

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  10. #10
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    Dope. . Ain't Got To Long To Reply, It's Time For My Nap, Woop. . Imagery Was Great In This Piece And Helped Me Get ABetter Understanding Of What Was Going on. . Multi's Were Nice, Vocab Was Nice. . FLow Was Crisp Like A New Dolla Dolla Bill Ya'll !. . . Just Everything Was So Damn Dope. . Keep Droppin Strictly DoPe Pieces Pen, I Expect Nothing Less. zP.

  11. #11
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FormulaMC
    Dope. . . Just Everything Was So Damn Dope. . Keep Droppin Strictly DoPe Pieces Pen, I Expect Nothing Less. zP.
    ..I'm Dope~~~~

  12. #12
    VennyRhymes
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    Gr8 piece. I love everythin u drop. This forum need a new side forum "hall of fame" an this along wid some of ur other pieces belong in it.

  13. #13
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    My man, Penskills...

    This was very, very impressive...

    Excellent, fuckin tight emotion.

    Imagery was some of the best I've seen.

    And the giving birth twist at the end...

    Dude...way, way dope.

    I feel like nominating this for Legend status...
    The worst they can do is say no.

    Fuckin amazing story, dude.

    Peace

  14. #14
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Born To Kill
    I feel like nominating this for Legend status...
    The worst they can do is say no.
    thanks..they said no...

  15. #15
    Newbie BaG oF SkILLz's Avatar
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    This was some hot shit right here..I loved the twist at the end...You mixed it up well...Very good...Uppin for you
    Zero effects

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