Verses Due: Saturday, January 24th 2004
Voting Ends: Monday, January 26th 2004
Topic: For A Minute
Verses Due: Saturday, January 24th 2004
Voting Ends: Monday, January 26th 2004
Topic: For A Minute
wordperfect?
..o0Pure0o..
in.
in...
Quick Reminder: You still have to vote on 3 other battles
Edit your votes into your check in
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Last edited by kiissiik; January 26th, 2004 at 11:56 AM
Thats good wit me...I need a day too, I'm moving to a next house...drop 2morrow or so
tak - extension allowed...your due date is monday!!!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Mother…
…me and you should take a walk for a minute…
Define gratitude, and complete tasks at hand unfinished…
Together, just you and me, aimed at life, both in unity…
Yet you hid the negative, problematic immunity…
Sent me in the jungle, without a knowledge of defeat…
Until I found it at my doorstep, slowly touching at my feet…
And I fell to its seduction, veins now flowed with relief…
Without knowing the streets, you said ‘come home wit me, please’…
Back on my feet, no booze or cheap money, and hardly smoking…
But…
It’s like they’re all the audience…the applaud sign always broken…
Cuz see I didn’t get recognition, no one seen any of my achievements…
I was still a druggie alcoholic… only an Ex added to the prefix…
But my mother did, so in a sense, our relationship did last...
But I didn't get a minute like this...for thanks...b4 she passed...
Brother…
…let’s chill and kick it for a minute….
Talk about girls, cars and life, the issues that are in it…
We used to talk a lot, comes to speech, you’re like a manic…
Yet now it’s Hello - Goodbye…our relationship’s mechanic…
My tendencies get intense at times, I'm sorry I got insane...
But bruises are skin deep...discipline's sticks in your brain...
I knew my path's outcome, I tried, yet you bleed more...
Stood with you at the crossroads, provide alternate detours...
But we lost something when, you started rebelling against...
...everyone and everything, broke on the street,ya money spent...
Remember when mom and dad split? You were so confused?...
Youth mind state, never blinded the truth, never refused...
But along this path, somewhere we lost touch, in time...
...you moved up, I stopped, blocked by the all the dollar signs...
I just wish you knew, an older brother was taught a lesson...
And I wish we had a minute like this...just one, just to reflect it...
Father….
…allow me to be yourself for a minute….
Roles aside, allow me to feel what you felt in ya spirit…
Responsibility flips, sweat drips, understanding new lessons…
You live life for something higher…I’m clocked in at 40 seconds…
Defenseless, I rebelled, gained no control, they used to tell…
…never bite the hand that feeds…even if they control your life as well? ...
30 left…open chest, expose the heart you don’t apply…
Life denied, hopes die…somewhat in conjunction with your pride…
My father and me...a mere hairline crack in this family portrait....
Yet the shard is close to broken…matter of time before I forfeit…
Cept the keyhole's now slim....we just seemingly diminished...
Parallel lives spin whole digits....hopes falls, defy physics...
10 seconds left … I want to tell you all, explain my strife…
If you only took a minute like this … before I took my life…
If I could take it all back just a minute in time
And Bleed it all out leavin' blemishes behind
All the times I didn`t try, nights in denial
Contemplating suicide, with the phone on dial
Though deep down inside, i'd never take a life
Cause I see my mothers portrait, steady in sight
I know the pain and anguish that it could cause
Bearing it all, tryin' not to be a lost cause
Telling myself things like i`ll try and I doubt it
MIssed opportunities saying I never really found it
And in the mix of things i`d miss the silver lining
Cause I was seeking gold, just another lost sighting
So I try to recall through all the bickering fighting
That I will make it, I will make it, The God Almighty...
Now if I could take it back, for a minute in time
I`d experience it first for a lesson afterwards..
I would've been myself cause ya'll want to change me
It`s quite an accomplishment if ya can remain -
Free, of the pressure put upon ya and -
Play it out plainly..
Majority rules I was often on the other side
Sometimes the majority were fools, an' I was right
-But no I`d reside the same as the rest
Following what went around wrapped around my neck
Until the point i`d lose my breath
While the lectures heard at best
Were just mere images not finished yet..
I said I wanted changes, all of which forgotten
The world damned rotten, not cause people harm it
-But those who do nothing -
At all, bringin' about the tragedies of life
Which is not that it ends so soon
-But us thinkin' we have the virtue to wait so long
For us as humans to bloom into something nice...
I understand my mission in life isn't complete
No man`s is until they defeat it purposely
If your alive it`s on repeat
As your feet are just rewinding..
It's much too important to take seriously
LIfe is just a winding road, I curiously
Feared it and pleaded repeadedly until
The day it all stopped..
Hopped out of my head and for a minute
I could feel it again and it said..
"People know the cost of everything
-But the value of nothing..
If your brain is tellin' you to sing
Then sing something..
Life IS hard so deal with it..
Compared to what though, the fear in it?
Now let me tell you..this is what to do..
Blame no one, expect nothing and do something
An' ya dreams come true..."
For a minute in time this is what I heard
The blue bird cries at night cause it's alone
A beautiful word n' tune of the night life melody
Will set you free to be whatever you want to be
And see all that you will always see to achieve
What you believe will lead you to victory..
Trust in your dreams therefore you'll be lead..
To an eternity of tears shed behind in your life..
Speak up when you'd like, be yourself, it`s alright
Say a prayer in public, say God bless you
Eat what you like, dance like it`s retro
ASk that big question, Do what you do..
Forget back talk, gossip, and be you...
So now i'm back to square one
Ready to bear none cause i'm scared and
Not even the hopeless prayers could help..
Wait..
..It just struck me though..
Alls I need is the strength in myself
And for a minute, wait..For a Second will do..
To say the words.."I love you"
Last edited by kiissiik; January 26th, 2004 at 08:21 PM Reason: tried centering the text, but it didnt' work..
this was a solid battle...........both verses brought depth and imagery..........but Kiissiick's was a lil too much, tha breakdown:
Taktik- rhyme scheme- 8, story- 8, flow- 7.5, total- 23.5
incredably solid......started off slow and shaky....but flow picked up and your rhyme scheme kept me readin, nyce usage of multis, diction was a lil under par........but the feelin was deep, tha best piece i read of yours.....structure could use improvement
Kiissiick- rhyme scheme- 6.5, story- 7.5, flow- 7, total- 21
not as solid....but i liked it, it fell off at alot of points, takin away from tha story, rhyme scheme was not that great, flow was a lil off, kind of hard to read....sometimes it was like i was pullin teeth, no hard feelins, but try to place everythin you wanna say more compact.....less bars....and i noticed alot of redundance, but props for expansion.....its betta to drop too long than too short,
vote taktik, no hard feelins, may tha best man win, taktiks just kept me readin, peace, 1
p.s. vote on my battle...........oh yea... just taktik, kiissiick has already done it
taktik- a very compelling piece indeed. You went deeply into your relationship with each member of your family. You had a load of solid wordplay, dope than most I've seen recently. I didn't patricularly like the father verse, but then, its come to the point that i hate piece where the main cahracter commits suicide at the end because its so played out. But you had an amazing piece.
kiisiick- It seemed like you intentionally dragged it out, when you could have said most of what you said in about, two verses. The ending was solid, and the beginning was solid, but the middle just seemed to kind of lag. Try to think "this is what I want to say, this is how I'm gonna say it" and don't go on forever about everything. Good piece though, better than I was expecting.
v/Taktik
wordperfect?
..o0Pure0o..
Taktik wins
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Posting Rules
