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Thread: I Felt It

  1. #1
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    I Felt It

    The urge to just write ran through my veins. I had to type something right here and right now...so I did...this is the result. It started off simplistic...but please read on.

    It's twisted
    how these kids end up with their wrists slit
    Sick shit
    Another depressed pissed off misfit
    Listenin to disses
    Bein thrown by a father figure
    Till he's got guns drawn
    And his grip slips to the trigger
    With fears that are growin bigger
    Cuz he's steady and ready to pull it
    Then the glock cocks with a shot
    That releases a vengeful bullet
    Snaps and collapse into tears
    Wishin someone would hold him
    A sinner's innocence stripped
    With one emotional moment
    But that's the way it is
    In this life of reality
    When this expression we call love
    Starts becoming a fallacy
    Now tell me, How could this be?
    What's wrong with the world today?
    How can men be rapin babies
    And women start givin their kids away?
    I got shit to say
    And I'm gonna make sure you hear it
    With a rage that's caged
    Released, and you're gonna fear it
    An apprehensive spirit
    That's lurking in the darkness
    With a grain of salt
    Told hold in the shadows of the heartless
    An artist of nature's reforms
    Chasin the storms
    In the eyes of the cold
    Rejected in the face of the norms
    Innebriated by the poems
    Through imagery's projection
    Flat on the paper
    burst free from their discretion
    A reflection of thoughts
    From the fountain of youth
    With yodles and cries
    From the mountain of truth
    That amount to the cooth
    As a study of times past
    Unbeknownst to them
    That it is truth!
    As long as the times last
    And the rhymes cast
    Education to paupers
    For a hope and dream
    To relay to their daughters
    Engaged in falters
    That can change an eternity
    Till the tears flowed for the mighty
    Creating rivers that spurred the seeds
    Of this Earth as it breathes
    Winds heard through the leaves
    Speaking of ancient battles
    Enraged with the front lines
    And how it was all for naught
    If only I could change the times...

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  2. #2
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    Sleepy Bitches >:-|

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  3. #3
    good vocab needs more work on struture but quite kool now read mine

  4. #4
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    ^LoL..woulda prefered a critique...but quick and to the point will work. Structure is like that for a reason...in case you didn't notice

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  5. #5
    ha no gess im just a wannabe

  6. #6
    microcosm spokenoh's Avatar
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    Nice piece.I'm not putting up some huge reply in depth or quoting...lol, very good piece, good topic thought at one point to seemed to change the topic..Of course, you got back on track. Good vocab in it. No multies or metaphors but then again they wouldnt have a bearing on this type of written. Good Job.
    can I kick it?

  7. #7
    I'm Roman Catholic Lord Sarcasm's Avatar
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    I liked the piece..
    It was in the sense of..like..emotion there..
    Flowed swell with the vocab..
    was a very purty piece..
    Now much to talk about...
    Long but because the lines were short..
    "An artist of nature's reforms
    Chasin the storms"
    ~something just caught me about that..
    WordPerfect

  8. #8
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    I appreciate the replies...but I think you guys are totally missing the meaning behind the lyrics.....

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  9. #9
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    UP....reply to so many...and still get slept on...it's bullshit.

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  10. #10
    ... Chrit.'s Avatar
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    Def. an RnR structure here which I"m not a fan of at all....

    But this was nice.... showed some good imagery while keeping a flow....

    Decent topic.... could have been improved upon a bit but any topic can use that....

    Overall, a good read.
    AI

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