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Thread: Box Inside

  1. #1

    Box Inside

    Its trying to hide.
    Venture inside.
    Take a left turn past my pride.
    Inside you'll find a box which holds all of my
    secrets hopes dreams, and lies.

    They try to escape.
    I keep too many locks on my box for them to break free.
    Although on a dark, rainy night,
    I'm liable to find the key.

    I question everything I stand for,
    Everything I've done, and
    What I've become.
    It's finally coming open,
    After all these years,
    I've tried to run.

    It's interesting,
    Getting to browse,
    All of the mistakes I've made in the past.
    I've have no idea where I'm headed,
    But I know I'm going there fast.

    I'm driving with no directions,
    In the dark, and without lights.
    City to city, late at night,
    not a single person in sight.

    But I like it that way.

  2. #2
    young mike
    Guest
    it was pretty good it just needs a lil more vocab and make it a lil longer and it would be nice just keep your head up more work thats all u need

  3. #3
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    Yeah this was ok.....structure could use a touch up though, try keeping your lines the same length....try to up your vocab some too.....seemed more of a poetic piece i thought...but overall this was alright....keep at it.

  4. #4
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    ..::::..::..::::..
    Posts
    2,550
    Battle Record
    8-87
    ..I think this should belong in the poetry section???..decent...

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