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Thread: Frustrations

  1. #1
    Newbie Rural Thug's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Oxford, England
    Age
    37
    Posts
    26

    Frustrations

    The frustrations of life are strife
    I hate being scared cos im livin by the knife
    I dont wanna be connected and stuck with a wife
    I wanna be free and set up a colony
    I wanna be a freestyler and exercise my usabilty
    Stop all the locals dissing and hatin me
    Thankful for my idols for helping and creatin me
    With out them you wudnt be hearin me
    And now my haters are fearin me
    Cos the rhymes that im producing
    Arent easily taken in cos their losing
    Enough with their hate and brusin
    Im rhyming,writing and crusin
    Im a young white kid from the United Kingdom
    Supposedly the best place for security and freedom
    But its all made up by homocide and bleedin
    And all im tryin to do is keepin
    The next genration from death and cheating
    Im not a one man Jesus
    Its just God needs some saviours, just a few of us
    And its coming through these rhymes
    These one kids typing and lines
    Tryin to get a new look on the hate of these times
    Stop the constand barrage of 999's
    and 911's, the usage of guns
    the everyday drug runs
    the crushing by tonnes
    the rapin of moms
    and help the people that need
    that cant be tempted by the forces of greed
    but are called by the addiction to weed
    but everyone likes the green
    Presidents, Kings and Queens
    Bands, NFL, baseball and hockey teams
    Well, no one can be totally clean!
    Rural

    Like the french say...todays MERCredi!

  2. #2
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,419
    Battle Record
    9-6
    hhhm...well it was a little played but it worked for you because you had the flow to pull it off...vocab could do with reworking..all in all i'd give 6/10
    Def Poets

  3. #3
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed, Thanks.

  4. #4
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    washington court house, oh
    Age
    36
    Posts
    31
    umm it was basic....but good for a first time.....try putting in some vocab.....ur flow was ummm alright

  5. #5
    off the wall thinker Meters's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Posts
    3,432
    Battle Record
    26-17
    Awards LLL Champion OM HOF LLL HOF
    This was alright i suppose, very emotional i guess. Keep elevating, vocab could have made this stronger, less obvious rhyme choices. Fix up your structure, make it a bit more complicated. Good luck to you.

  6. #6
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Barnwell, South Carolina
    Age
    38
    Posts
    19
    It was kinda simple but i liked it keep it up
    Krytikal a.k.a Soldier
    E.X.L
    Come Hard Or Go Home

  7. #7
    Administrator ILLunatic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Posts
    21,708
    Battle Record
    124-23
    Awards 100+ Wins OM HOF SOTW
    It was really basic
    Good Flow
    Needs work with Vocab
    Overall it was Ok...
    Keep it up homie


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