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Thread: Thank You ..

  1. December 24th, 2003, 08:38 PM #1
    Sand
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    Thank You ..

    i was just ...

    pissin' in the urinal when i found this journal ..
    i looked n' it had all childrens names .. with some of em' circled
    i'm usually not the type to be nosy and look through
    but i did .. so shut it bitch .. you know you'd look too
    .. what in the hell was this .. i couldn't understand it
    the letters obviously came from the movements of a man's wrist
    damnit .. i kept skimmin' searchin' who was this persona
    it had every damn kid in the city in alphabetical order ..
    presents for some n' money for others .. who would forget this
    it's like a wish list .. and this dude circled all the naughty kids

    .. i'd probably be circled =( ..

    you see this year just didn't go as i would have planned
    i was stressed, depressed, pissed off .. goood daaaamn ..
    but yeah .. everything was my fault it began with failing tests,
    skippin' school, smokin' herb . . . n' yeah , jail was next
    the night of my arrest i can remember my mother was crying
    it was like the birth of my demise .. high hopes were dying
    i looked up at the sky and .. i asked god where my luck went ..
    it was snowing so i figured he through the chip off his cold shoulder ..

    - so i said fuck it .. -

    now tonight i'm all alone, without even a bed to sleep in
    i'll probably get fucked up ... this .. last .. n' next weekend
    you see i'm ten years old n' I just started tweakin'
    i only trust satan n' dogs not santa n' god like you believe in'
    believe it .. this journal is my only property so i won't trash it ...
    now when i can't hold it, i can use the pages to wipe my ass with ..
    while lost in my thought i was standing at a glimmer poster
    when all of a sudden a hand grabbed my shoulder ..
    i screamed ." ohh no sir ! it's not what you think ...
    i didn't steal your journal i just found it out by the sink ..
    the urinal ! i mean .. he was white as a ghost .. but he smiled
    and at that moment, i knew grabbing the journal was worth my while
    he took back his journal, then handed me a lolli-pop n' said eat it ..
    from that night on ... i always had his bed to sleep in ...

    what a great christmas ...
    thank you michael jackson ... ( mr. claus =P )
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  2. December 24th, 2003, 10:15 PM #2
    Mistral
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    You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed, Thanks.

    but this was a good piece....Really descriptive, i really liked that...really enjoyed your piece here...you had good multies through out the piece...as you did flow it stayed on point through the entire thing, didnt really get off at all....like the imagination you used in this...vocab was good...as was the way you structured this....overall this was a good piece, enjoyed the read.
    Last edited by Mistral; December 24th, 2003 at 11:38 PM
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  3. December 24th, 2003, 10:57 PM #3
    Sand
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    lmao .. what mods put MOD in their title btw ?

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=101248
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=101137
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=95290
    Last edited by Sand; December 24th, 2003 at 11:13 PM
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  4. December 24th, 2003, 11:39 PM #4
    Bruklor
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    HaHaHa, this is dope.

    Good to have you back, I think I'm going to start getting back into the swing of things again. So thanks =)
    I liked how it came back to the whole bed thing.
    Quite gripping, I must say.

    "the letters obviously came from the movements of a man's wrist"

    "i only trust satan n' dogs not santa n' god like you believe in' "
    m
    ˈpɛr ˈse


    –noun

    by, of, for, or in itself; intrinsically.
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  5. December 24th, 2003, 11:40 PM #5
    Bruklor
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    Originally posted by Sand
    lmao .. what mods put MOD in their title btw ?

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=101248
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=101137
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=95290
    Every mod did when they were a newer mod.
    m
    ˈpɛr ˈse


    –noun

    by, of, for, or in itself; intrinsically.
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  6. December 24th, 2003, 11:46 PM #6
    deuce deuce
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    nice word play n shit.....and vocab 8/10
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  7. December 24th, 2003, 11:54 PM #7
    Sand
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    you didn't even read it
    Last edited by Sand; June 27th, 2009 at 07:56 AM
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  8. December 25th, 2003, 03:13 AM #8
    Richard Parker
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    Originally posted by Bruklor


    Every mod did when they were a newer mod.
    i never did. . bruk is WRONG! haha. nice piece sand. .
    shit was dope. a nice christmas story. . errm until it was about michael jackson which i had predicted before it was over. good imagination anyhow. .
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  9. December 25th, 2003, 03:17 AM #9
    EyE QuE...
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    Good peice sand.. keep it up dont ever give up, you have some skill their dawg...

    Peace.

    Good luck!!
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  10. December 25th, 2003, 11:31 AM #10
    Sand
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    i'll just keep on keepin' on ..
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  11. December 25th, 2003, 12:26 PM #11
    Crooked-Comical
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    Flow = 5/10
    Enetertainment = 7/10
    Structure = 1/10
    Pucnehs = 4/10

    OVERAL = 6/10

    Peace
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  12. December 26th, 2003, 12:37 AM #12
    Sand
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    lmao .. that's the coolest breakdown ever ^ thanks man !!
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  13. December 26th, 2003, 01:00 AM #13
    MD_killa
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    Ayo dunny dis peice was strait dunny... not the ILLEST..

    i heard on the vine that u used to be better... so i guess you really can't poke ya eye out

    but it was a coo piece... i was feelin (some) of it ... good spillin on3

    Caesar
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  14. December 26th, 2003, 01:09 AM #14
    Sand
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    lol @ the usage of 'vine'
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  15. December 26th, 2003, 01:19 AM #15
    Vis
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    pretty dope piece...

    Flow = 7/10
    Vocab = 8/10
    Structure = 8/10

    Overall = 8.5/10
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