Changes

[Lirael One]

Changes


Who's to say,
what lies in those hue's of gray
beneath my eyelids,
silent,
recalling when we used to play
those foolish games,
the blues would fade w. the sun's rise
I still remember the trends,
my friends,
the fun times,
A young mind's such a wonderful place
I see the sun in their faces
as they evolve through life's colourful phases
It's my escape from the troubles im faced with,
When home life's a thrown fight,
and the whole worlds trying my patience.
When my minds vacant,
I like to think it offers me a passport,
to step back from reality,
and dissappear through a backdoor
So if oppourtunity knocks,
answer and take it
Same shit, different day kid ..

Nothing ever changes.

[Lirael One]

come on, i just replied to a shitload of pieces and battles and none of you responding. It's not that long.

[Mistral]

This was alright i thought....structure needs to be fixed up a bit though, try keeping the lines around the same length so its structured good....the flow in this i thought was alright, it stayed on point through out the whole thing....you had some good multies in this i thought as well....overall a alright piece...keep at it.

[Lirael One]

Firstly, the structure means nothing. All that bullshit is for is so the verse looks pretty when kids read it, same with even bars, all that does id hold back the content. For an open mic mod, you should really know better i'd of thought.

[Lirael One]

|La la La La

[Lirael One]

some replies would be nice.

[Kredit's NOT A Fag]

This was alright i thought....structure needs to be fixed up a bit though, try keeping the lines around the same length so its structured good....the flow in this i thought was alright, it stayed on point through out the whole thing....you had some good multies in this i thought as well....overall a alright piece...keep at it.

You're a fucking idiot. Just because he doesn't type a paragraph for each line, his structure is totally fucked? Nah .. go home.

But to the piece ..

Your style on this was very nice, I liked the way you worded the whole piece ... Flow was nice, very easy to pick up .. Content was ill to say the least, very nice job ..

So if oppourtunity knocks,
answer and take it
Same shit, different day kid ..

Nothing ever changes.

^ My favorite part, and a very strong closer .. Something everybody can relate to, no matter who you are.

Very nice job here ..

[FanTa ZeE]

hey, yeah i'm not knocking this piece, it had a lot of good elememts to it, but Credz was just giving you constructive critisism, aka advice..you shouldn't write off every idea that people give to you, thats what helps you elevate, taking into account the veiws of others, and using them to your advantage,as an open mic mod he knows what hes talking about..

but i liked this peice, that content was good, the title seemed like you were just gonna remake Changes, the Tupac song, but i was pleasantly suprised...

[Lirael One]

Lol .. 2pac is wack .. if i remade his song id fucking kill him.

[FanTa ZeE]

^i'm not gonna dignify that with a carefully planned response.

[Kredit's NOT A Fag]

hey, yeah i'm not knocking this piece, it had a lot of good elememts to it, but Credz was just giving you constructive critisism, aka advice..you shouldn't write off every idea that people give to you, thats what helps you elevate, taking into account the veiws of others, and using them to your advantage,as an open mic mod he knows what hes talking about..

but i liked this peice, that content was good, the title seemed like you were just gonna remake Changes, the Tupac song, but i was pleasantly suprised...

Hate to clog the thread, but I had to say something to this ..

You're a dumbass too. His 'constructive criticism' would actually hurt this verse and the man's style ..

[~HoTTie~]

My point exactly.