corrupted visions: She

**Topic** · December 13th, 2003, 06:49 PM

She

She had a pretty face
but when it came to herself she was full of this haste
she had a gentle voice
2 extra slits on her wrists for one special case
she was a smart girl
she knew she was making the right decisions
she had a good heart
she has gashes where she made the incisions
she was so nice
she allways came to work drunk
she was so polite
nothing on her side, not even lady luck
she was a good friend
her perents were just fucked up
she had a nice smile
tired because shes gone through enough
she had a pretty face
so she gave up on the anger with her perents
she had a gentle voice
at night she cryed, When wouled they care again?
she was a smart girl
she dumped her boyfriend
she had a good heart
her perents liked him, so they took him in
she was so nice
they wont have a thing to do with her
she was so polite
so shes depressed, with no cure
she was a good friend
shes confused she doesnt know what to do
she had a nice smile
she came to me, i asked "what happend to you?"

chorus
she cryed she frowned, no need to ask I knew whats gotten into her
I looked at her wrists, she was lost, and her speech was a mere slur
i couled comprehend, that her good times were running slow
i mean, how could she hold on to her life, when everything she loved let go
how can you live, when dieing is what you live for
when youve seen everything, and thats the reasom you dont live for lord

she had a pretty face
she now says her perents are dead now, she lied
she had a gentle voice
said her dad shot her mom, then commited suicide
she was a sweet girl
said she lived with her grandperents, and there were her reasons
she had a good heart
they kept a keg on tap, so thats why shes drunk while shes bleedin
she was so nice
now shes not normal, her life has caused it
she was so polite
i tryed to help, but her minds just a messed up mosh pit
she was a good friend
she left my side, not knowing what shed do
she had a nice smile
last stroke of courage, as she looked up to who?
she pleaded sorry, and wrote hed understand
she went down to her knees, i guess that was her last stand
she was an amazing girl
because through all this she kept her religion
now theres less in the world
because through all this it wasnt god she was missin
well i guess i can show u what she wrote

"what am i to do, other then let loose
I hope they agnoledge, my life is garbage to
im ugly, i have no friends, and i know im not nice
my voice is all wrong, my heart has rolled like dice
i know its not right, but this how its gana be
my life isnt worth living, when living isnt worth being me"

chorus
she cryed she frowned, no need to ask I knew whats gotten into her
I looked at her wrists, she was lost, and her speech was a mere slur
i couled comprehend, that her good times were running slow
i mean, how could she hold on to her life, when everything she loved let go
how can you live, when dieing is what you live for
when youve seen everything, i guess she did beleive for the lord.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...352#post985352
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...355#post985355
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...374#post985374

**Endeva.** · December 13th, 2003, 07:04 PM

sorry man..i could see the concept but it was no good......i seen ppl do similar things and its always the same...never gets pulled off.....what you were actually saying was decent enough...but the execxution lacked...pZ......

**ill Explicit** · December 13th, 2003, 07:08 PM

i liked this it was something a little different definately more of a poem than a rap in the format and layout but i thought the content was deep enough to keep reading-1

**Mistral** · December 13th, 2003, 07:13 PM

Yeah this was ok i thought....more of a poem type piece here like Explicit said....it was a deep piece i was feeling it as i read through it..i liked this though cause i like reading pieces that are emotional...the flow was alright, kinda fell off at points but this overall was alright...keep at it.