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Thread: Corrupted Visions: Untangible Evil

  1. December 9th, 2003, 02:47 AM #1
    Emerge
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    Corrupted Visions: Untangible Evil

    I dropped feed on masta c, formula mc, mk usiki, deva, and camarac




    Lord lend a hand end this plan release this demon out of me
    My mind is being pirated how can that be?...I’m out of sea!
    Full take over I'm a puppet no signs of life...flat line
    Wack rhymes fabricated never made it...I lacked prime
    The pain swells up my temples, heart pounding on my brain
    I swear I've gone Ill mental, IQ is extinguished and slain
    Stormy rain but an everlasting drought in terms of producing
    An evil nuisance...not addictive...but something many abuses
    Blown fuses irreplaceable tools...while it mocks at you
    Holding eerie images...penetrating demise...& it locks a few
    All veins flaring it's rare in cases but is has caused sleep
    It rhyme reaps suffocates you like absent basslines in beats
    A domesticated evil manufacturing cessation a pregnant pause
    Rendering mind feeble there can't be a cure if there is no cause
    Applause from the winning dark side...it's looking good for it
    No chance for a heroic stand...nope...not by the looks of it
    One last breath I take...as I inflate my chest...heaving
    I blindly and wildly attack so fiercely...I aint believing
    I fail...my eyes wide open...the look of a fighter shocked
    But I realized I just survived...a sudden case of writer's block

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  2. December 9th, 2003, 04:51 AM #2
    Emerge
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    uppin for some fucking feedback

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    New Writejist Song - Tito Ortiz

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  3. December 9th, 2003, 05:13 AM #3
    Kwizikal P
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    replyin some feedbak.......

    Good piece,but you did find it hard to find words that rhymed, but hey....ill anyway, jus a lil constructive crit
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  4. December 9th, 2003, 06:27 AM #4
    Endeva.
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    thought ya bar length was good.....flowed nicely, most of it...vocab was good....didnt really captivate me though, the topic....but executed ok...not a bad drop....pZ.......
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]
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  5. December 9th, 2003, 08:25 AM #5
    the_insane_clown
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    Originally posted by Vylent Stalker
    replyin some feedbak.......

    Good piece,but you did find it hard to find words that rhymed, but hey....ill anyway, jus a lil constructive crit
    fo real
    "The Legion" takes no prisoners!!!

    my homepage is http://www.geocities.com/iluvblondes22/night_vision.html
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  6. December 9th, 2003, 03:42 PM #6
    Emerge
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    /\those two guys are morons that is exactly how to not drop feed back

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    New Writejist Song - Tito Ortiz

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  7. December 9th, 2003, 03:53 PM #7
    Mistral
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    Yeah this was a pretty good drop here i thought....your structure was good in this, like it always is....your vocab was good as well....Flow in this was alright, stayed on point through out it, kinda lost me at a few points though but nothing real big...You had some good multies....overall good drop....keep at it.
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  8. December 9th, 2003, 06:19 PM #8
    Emerge
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    upp

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    New Writejist Song - Tito Ortiz

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  9. December 9th, 2003, 06:29 PM #9
    Emcee Murderer
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    Nice lil drop here.
    Structure was good.
    Wordplay and flow was choppy.
    I was feelin it though.
    I saw some multies used in there.
    8/10.
    Keep em coming.
    Return the favor.
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  10. December 9th, 2003, 08:23 PM #10
    Emerge
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    thanks i appreciate it

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    New Writejist Song - Tito Ortiz

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  11. December 9th, 2003, 09:33 PM #11
    -uski-
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    yo this was a good Piece...Ya Flow was Nice stayed on point most of the way....Ya Structure was Good....The Topic was Nice I thought.....My Name Is MC uski not Mk usiki....Was short but that didn't mind me....the Lines were a Nice Length......All and all a hella good Drop....Peace Kuz (v) Corrupted Visions Represent

    -{/]~{Ú§kÍ}~[\}-
    Last edited by -uski-; December 9th, 2003 at 09:50 PM
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  12. December 9th, 2003, 09:45 PM #12
    Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic
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    Well...You sure made me look at you as a better topical writer. You have elevated alot. But that was a kinda cheesy ending,lol. You had some good use of vocab, and good complexity, This was a very good piece, very well done.
    Hence Forward.. BURR!
    [YOUTUBE]seYxVBIsycE[/YOUTUBE]
    Just watch My Back, I got the front.
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  13. December 9th, 2003, 09:48 PM #13
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    /\ thanks a lot man...lol i just thought the end would make some people laugh or something haha...feel free to hit up my other open mics if you feel the need

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    New Writejist Song - Tito Ortiz

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  14. December 10th, 2003, 01:15 AM #14
    Emerge
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    upp

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    New Writejist Song - Tito Ortiz

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  15. December 10th, 2003, 01:20 AM #15
    The Realist
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    now this was something i didnt expect...
    i knew you would end it like that....you have good influences

    the imagry here was good, definetly your best aspect...flow was pretty easy to follow

    keep up the good work

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