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Thread: Corrupted Visions presents - grotesque in "perfect picture/picture perfect"

  1. #1
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    Corrupted Visions presents - grotesque in "perfect picture/picture perfect"

    Corrupted Visions presents - grotesque in "perfect picture/picture perfect"

    Davinchi, Pacaso, Vango, Raphael
    Donatello, Michalangelo, they all broke out their shell
    theyve fallen, they fall, the fell
    they draw a heaven even after there dead
    because theyce spent there time in hell.
    Mad men, scientists, genious to this day
    creaters of imagination, make a rainbow out of gray
    make a moment of clarity, out of a time of chaos
    if you cant make 1 good second out of your life its your loss.

    You can paint a perfect picture
    of any life with any mixture
    see whats picture perfect
    when craftmenship is a mere gift

    look at you, youll be perfect forever
    no flaws, ill never have to search for another
    your my girl, and you dont have to change a thing
    your addored from your personality to your form, you make me feel like a king
    people say, that me and you have gone out to long
    but from day to day, our relationship grows strong
    if you were gone, i dont know where ide be
    well be together forever, even in my memories
    i love your skin, the smell of your hair
    ill be with you, through good or dispair
    ive hurd rumors, but i dont care if there true or not
    ive gotta bad past too, lets just say i forgot
    ide take you over anything, your at the top of my list
    because to me, your nothing but perfect

    You can paint a perfect picture
    of any life with any mixture
    see whats picture perfect
    when craftmenship is a mere gift

    ehhh kinda odd
    Scytsophrenia

  2. #2
    Topic
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    replyed to
    Gene Pool
    Masta C
    Mc-UsKi
    Scytsophrenia

  3. #3
    Banned
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    This was alright i thought....structure was alright could use a bit of a touch up though, some lines were kinda short and kinda long, try to keep them around the same length though to help the flow...try adding some multies in this as well...the hook was pretty good i thought...this was a good read...keep at it.

  4. #4
    Topic
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    i didnt like it to much, its jus somethen i wrote and decided to post cuz i was late
    Scytsophrenia

  5. #5
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    Yo man this was a pretty Good....ya structure was off.....one or two lines were too long and too short...ya Topic wasn't good but it worked in the end....The flow Was good and worked with the Chorus and topic....the Chorus was one of the betta things In this......all and all it turned out to be a Decent read....keep it Droping Kuz Peace (v)

  6. #6
    Super Spic, w00t! Emerge's Avatar
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    sorry gro this was weak...but it aint your best work so i know it dont bother you...vocab was blah...flow was disasterous...topic was ok but you went here and there with it...

    keep it up dog peace

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