Exist

[E-Lude]

does god really exist, well if he does i ain't found him.
I'v climbed up that hill, only to find it was a mountain.
so many times I'v gone lookin, for the peak and almost found it,
only to have the wind pull me down and start again grounded.
then it hit me, all the nations with biblicalations.
lifes not meant to be easy, its about trials and tribulations.
just take a look at california, and its gang affiliations.
lessons learned in pain, dont ever die in vain.
so don't worry bout makin it out alive, in this life we call a game.
don't worry bout scientifics, or whats his real name.
belief's what keeps us goin, its how were all the same.


tell me what u think.

[Amarant]

I thought it was alright, but i didnt really understand the concept. nice structure and some good vocab, but try and bring more multi syllabic words to ur rhymes, it will make the wordplay much better as well.
overall good drop and keep doin ur thing.

hit my rhyme http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=96675

cheers

[Mistral]

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback in or this will get closed/deleted..

But this was alright...your structure was alright, could use a bit of a touch up though but nothing major....flow was alright in this, stayed on point most of the time i thought....you had some good multies...and your vocab was good as well...overall this was a alright piece..keep at it.

[Dios de Hip Hop]

First part was fantastic for a newb
but u fell off, should of kept with the
topic of the mountain.
like describe the wind
ex.
being that the wind is motherly abandoment
though she keeps in time with slamin me to the pavement.
something like that, that explains what keepin u down
off the peak.
leave three links in a post so that this doesnt
get deleted.