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Thread: spoken word.........

  1. #1
    Hip Hop's Bobby Fischer Diverse's Avatar
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    spoken word.........

    my brainstorming brings nothing but a dark cumulus cloud//
    and i can't fuckin think because it rumbles so loud//
    oh no here come the raindrops, mentally drenching me//
    this storm is so bad it's physically preventing me from becoming anything i'd ever want to be//
    when lord will this rain ever let up?//
    when i'm on the verge of crazy because i'm so fed up?//
    i need a guiding light to lead me to the right path//
    even a brief moment of sunshine, so i can be released from this storms wrath//
    but i can't get away because the clouds follow so close//
    how can i escape this unforgiving but ever present host?//
    it swallows my mind, then swallows me whole//
    i try to stay dry but it's drenching my soul//
    and this thing, this thing destroys me in my entirety//
    and i just sit here patiently, hoping someone will inspire me//
    but nobody's come and nothing has changed//
    and i'm oh so close to becoming deranged//
    there's nothing i can do to break this spell, and i'm tired of being stuck in this personal hell//
    everything i am is washing away*dispersed into the puddles that i trudge through today//
    and i'm looking so hard but there's nothing worth finding//
    my eyes can't adjust because this lightning's so blinding//
    like the crack of a whip, it's striking all around//
    i'm calling out for help but my voice is muffled by the sound//
    don't make this mistake..don't let this happen to you//
    because trust me, you don't want to end up here too//
    this is just a warning to anyone who feels lost//
    do everything in your power to find the way..no matter what the cost.................

    this is just some shit i wrote a while back..i was in a tough place in my life and this piece personified me exactly back then...just wonderin what ya'll thought...

  2. #2
    Hip Hop's Bobby Fischer Diverse's Avatar
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    also you guys should check out Cold Equations...and Soft Focusetermination..and nightime sorrow...those are three i happened to look at and was damn impressed with that shit...you guys should reply on those as well...

  3. #3
    Hip Hop's Bobby Fischer Diverse's Avatar
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    feedback please.............good or bad i just want to see some opinions......................................

  4. #4
    Hip Hop's Bobby Fischer Diverse's Avatar
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    uppin for feed back...........lemme know what ya'll think...............

    Diverse "Words Manifested"...................................

  5. #5
    Hip Hop's Bobby Fischer Diverse's Avatar
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    uppin one last time.............................................. .................................................. ....................................

  6. #6
    Dr.Gonzo
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    woow i really liked it

    great imagary on the storm and i felt your emotions, flow was nice..only a couple of slow spots

    im sorry your gettin slept on i feel the pain

    thats the only problem here is how much sleeping goes on its incredibly weak...its not that hard to type up a some quick feedback for someone, cause i know for a fact that pointers help and can really up people skills...

    anyone thanks for peeping my stuff and given me a shout out much appreciated...

    i think ill write a peice about sleepin

    keep it up man

  7. #7
    Hip Hop's Bobby Fischer Diverse's Avatar
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    hey man i appreciate the feedback a lot...just tryin to elevate but its hard when you don't really get any advice...i'll be sure to check out the next piece you write....one.

  8. #8
    Hip Hop's Bobby Fischer Diverse's Avatar
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    uppin for just a little more feedback..........i like to hear opinions and shit.............................................

  9. #9
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    aye this piece right here was sweet i really did like it, most of the time i read though people drops and nothing really catchs my eye until i read this drop. but keep writing i be back to read more
    i'm between a beat and a hard place

  10. #10
    Hip Hop's Bobby Fischer Diverse's Avatar
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    hey thanx for the input..................i'll post some more stuff later on................................................ ..................................

  11. #11
    shwing! wordplay's Avatar
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    damn diverse..that was some deep shit....

    "when lord will this rain ever let up?//
    when i'm on the verge of crazy because i'm so fed up?//"

    I loved that shit...the raw emotion shined throughout....and kept me reading......

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