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[deacon]

A city soo still takes my action
As i restrain the very brain of interaction
I creep slowly and pause to supliment my flaws
through a city we are seemingly sleeping...

Vast grey skies with sudden stopped cries
We were wishing to die,our prides flew right by
A section of earth had stopped breathing...
Like a drug for the healing i broke from my feelings

I froze life from death to seek a heart in my chest
Found little to compare this to me
I forged on with each hit and loosened my hips
To find little to compare to my dealing...

I hail to enforce a new feeling...
like the frozen earth I see
I stopped breathing....

[Rhymes]

this was heart felt...nice short piece you manged to drop a nice clear picture of your poem...the details were in...everyline dropped was great nice vocab...

keep it up

peace

[deacon]

ohh um forgot to say this piece was written off o fthe new rhetorical insights picture i picked out...so yeah check it out...

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[rule]

This was a good poem, i liked the way you brought your words together it sounded really deep, well written it had a lot of good emotion and creative wordplay

A city soo still takes my action
As i restrain the very brain of interaction
I creep slowly and pause to supliment my flaws
through a city we are seemingly sleeping...

^^that stanza was a great opening the way you finished it was incredible

Vast grey skies with sudden stopped cries
We were wishing to die,our prides flew right by
A section of earth had stopped breathing...
Like a drug for the healing i broke from my feelings

I loved this part the way you described everything hand had your thoughts lined up was tight as hell

I froze life from death to seek a heart in my chest
Found little to compare this to me
I forged on with each hit and loosened my hips
To find little to compare to my dealing...

also very well writtin it had a good sence of though in that

I hail to enforce a new feeling...
like the frozen earth I see
I stopped breathing....

Great finish short and sweet i was feelin that great second line...'like the frozen earth i see' that was tremendous...good work

[deacon]

^^^^^you dah man dawg i'll hit up that soft focus drop when im done with work..

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