Another day

[HaycH]

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, friend and foes, pimps and symps this is HaycH newst member to rapbattles.

This is one of my poems called "Another day" gimme some feedback.
Here we go...


Just another day
Another dead
Feeling no pleasuer nor pain
Thinking whats the gain
No excuses for being useless
Mind starts to penetrate
With thoughts of assassinate
finish how i start
Is that my sole solution?
Fear is about the only thing im feeling
As i start spraying into the ceiling
They start kneeling
Its me against me
Notion against notion
Mind confused
Heart bruised
Can i out wit my own shadow?
Is this the path I`ve chosen to take
Or did it choose me?
Warm tear runs down my cheek
So warm i start feeling weak
As I faintly see the poe-leece
Hands start to shake
vision starts getting blury
scream escapes my dying lips
As i drop my last clip~



Another night will be up tomorrow.

[Spoken]

iight

lol nice intro before you piece
the intro to your piece didnt really pull me in all that well but i liked the line structre so i kept reading
in this you made some pretty good points, that got me thinking
such as

Its me against me

who else do we really need to fight, its only ourselves that we should fear the most and its what we do with ourselves that matters

Is this the path I`ve chosen to take
Or did it choose me?

this was my fave part because there plenty times that i think around those lines, sometimes i wonder if im even living the life im suppose to maybe its some1 elses, coz it doesnt feel right

all in all it got me thinking and made some good points, just work on your intro and expanding things some

~Tera~
DONT HATE

[HaycH]

Thanks for the feedback mami. More opinions wouldn't be bad dont be shy... hit me back.

[Smooth JT]

Nice drop here. structure was well and the flow was good too. Started to get puled in about half way readin in. thanks for the read. JT

[HaycH]

keep em coming..