~Conceited I~

[Sincere™]

Aight this kinda Concrete.......

May seem to walk like the blind,
And talk like the deaf but yet -
I am loving you from in me mind
and loving you each moment more
and smile in bliss but I regret:
Me can not possibly let you know!

What makes me hide a feeling deep
For it did steal my comfort sleep
and made me this which it must be
the one of late I am;conceited me


critism

[Varentao]

I dunno. The use of 'me' gave it a kind of personal and 'local' touch. But something seemed missing. Not that it was short as such, as i like short pieces.

Still, the first stanza was strong. It explained a fair bit. The last stanza was also good. You kept it flowing and on point. Though i felt you could've dropped slightly more substantial yet still subtle 'hints' of you being conceited.

..resp...

[Sincere™]

^^i like yo Honesty thanks

Upppun

[sILLable]

i thought it was tight, a little short,but nice rhyme cheme,nice strucuture,and it stayed on point, over all nice drop.~1~

[LadyWun]

it was a short piece but the word i think of when i think of this is
cute, not trying to offend you but it was okay for the shortness,
it didnt really sound just like some crazy writing but it definately
did not sound the same as others. I think the usage of me really
made me not like it. I just dont know if it is poor grammar or that
is just what you felt like putting. over all it was not that bad, next
time just stretch it out a little more, put more content. Keep
writing.

[rule]

short but sweet, some lines didnt really get me they seemed to be mis-used words...but it might have just b een me i'll give you an example..

I am loving you from in me mind
and loving you each moment more

that line was good but i thought the "me' should have been my, but iono lol...it sounds good i just thought it sounded better with my...but all in all great piece...and i was hopin you could critque my "Faight" poem...thanks amn peace