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Thread: Round 2...Verse 1, Feedback

  1. #1
    Ipsum Provoked Images's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Age
    37
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    1,168
    Battle Record
    8-8

    Round 2...Verse 1, Feedback

    it's unbelievable how many people see me as evil/
    n march towards me to keep me locked away in a steeple/
    they melt tha key to tha cell...now people/
    leave me alone, can u not see tha evil/
    that be at home when Kobe's in tha zone/
    and u hear a physchopath on tha phone/
    if u know wat i mean, i'm not green/
    i've been part of tha scene way befo 2003/
    rolled around n decided to do a 360/
    to have my fans not want to listen to me/
    i also got peeps like Jacob dissin me, but listen G/
    all ur lyrical rhythms seem to be missin me/
    it's simple ain't it? when ur layin dead/
    under tha war banner n ur drenched in red/
    and i'm holdin ur decapitated head in my hands/
    hold a ban if ur not a fan, but first, get off my land, <click click> UNDERSTAND?/
    i won't autograph my autobiography/
    for u ebay users who wanna make a prophit off of me/
    stop tha mockin me, hatin me but copyin me/
    hopin ur stoppin me from droppin a hot CD/
    croppin a lot of beef to start poppin a lot of G's/
    don't try to stop this MC...especially cause i'm high off tha coffee/
    let's go wit lattes and feminist destroyed chop shops/
    tha new million man march holds guns, gats n glocks...pop pop!/

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    - I'd Be Brilliant, If Only, It Was Not For Love's Immortal Stand Offs -
    ...Understandable...

  2. #2
    ....> Eh.....Was Alrite.......

    FLow Was Good....Your Rhyming Sheme Was Real Common...
    Up Your Vocab <..........







    ~>eZ<~

  3. #3
    They say I'm a fight risk A.T.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Age
    38
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    10,342
    Battle Record
    36-16
    Awards 1-2 Season Champion FL Champion 25+ Wins
    you kinda used a style like Eminems...(good style to use)
    this topic was ok, and you had a decent amount of visual.
    Just use good vocabulary... I've seen your other spits, and
    their better than this one... just keep droppin....
    A.T.-
    DayumNation

  4. #4
    Ipsum Provoked Images's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Age
    37
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    1,168
    Battle Record
    8-8
    yea, my otha pieces have been a lot better, i don't know wat's happened to me, i think i'm workin too much...

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    - I'd Be Brilliant, If Only, It Was Not For Love's Immortal Stand Offs -
    ...Understandable...

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! MonStar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
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    1-0
    ok, flow wasnt bad, vocab could use work, structure was good, maybe could have used more mulites....overall it wasnt bad but it was kinda simple....keep droppin...

    if you get a chance could you check out my latest open mic and leave me some feedback...
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=83967

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