Feelings

[BrokenWings]

Unhappy is what you made me
sad is what i became to be
broken hearted is how i am
because of one pathetic man
he told me he had loved me so
saying he never wanted to let me go
til his ex came crawling back
he pretty much said 'she is something you lack'
the tears came falling down
like the raindrops fall in a storm on the ground
he said he was sorry, he never meant to make me feel pain
well a real love is what he has yet to gain
i fell for him like the fool i must be
i guess he's an asshole, but i still have yet to see
i miss him but i dont know why
because hes a jerk.. like the typical guy!!!

*I wrote this because this guy, who i really fell for, told me he loved me but then decided he wanted to be with his ex.. and he left me.. all alone.. im sure you guys know him too!! because hes on here!! no names mentioned. Thanks for reading

[ILLusions]

Wasn't bad....you stuck to the basics....nice flow. I did like the tear drops part....

Keep droppin'

[HazY.B]

kinda simplistic nah mean?
your intro was good and it was like you had more to tell us
but couldnt quite get it all out
you might ry adding more descriptive words
to help better paint a picture
for the reader
by no means was it bad
i would just say slighty underdeveloped undastand
overall decent tho nice topic
please pay back n read destiney

[Ajax 0042]

break down

FLow: its ok structure was ok, lacked complexity it wasnt basic tho, altho it was a good read, it flowed with meaning, some peices flow but the meaning is scrambled, this was clear gets the reader and keeps them till the end,

Vocab/WOrdplay: it was basic but it fit the piece, it was more of n expresive drop with raw emotion than a extensive vocab and deep thought drop

Topic: its a lil played, but the emotion you had in ti was what held it togethercould have had more raw emotion but o well good the way it is.

Critisim: RAW EMOTION basically all it needs, more complexity in the structure and stronger lines, other wise good

overall

8/10

[Twiztid_chick69]

Good Drop. Just wanted to say that it was not bad. It was simple and could use more words. Adding some more to it like details might help the reader to really picture whats going on and would get them more into it. But all-in-all it was a good drop. Keep it up...

peAce

[Spoken]

iight

well hun this was alright, it was a good drop, but the part i liked bout it was that it showed us your feelings, and got your message across, and im sure its something alot of ppl can relate to in one way or another, almost every girl goes throu that period where we think all men are jerks and asses. i liked this and dont worry bout the guy, just forget him im sure you can find some1 better then a liar.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

[BrokenWings]

Thanks for the replys.. they help me work on what i improve on.. since you guys point out my wrong-doings.. so thank you.. but more then all i like to be complimented, lol so thanks a bunch to "Filed" thanks everyone..

[Philo]

It looks like you forced yourself to write something because you felt a certain way but you didn't find it in you to edit and look at what you wrote critically.
It was to primary... i didn't even get feeling because the line structure was detached.
Not to put you down, its a difficult topic to do well.... too many attempt, but they don't bother to try...
Good luck,
self-editing and critical editing is the only way to do these things.

Peace
.philo.