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Thread: Never Forgiven

  1. #1
    Saint Shizzle
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    Never Forgiven

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...747#post812747
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...791#post812791

    Sitting in loneliness surrounded by only my blazing thoughts
    Anger burning like a fire, deep within my wounded soul
    I shall never forgive you for what you have done to me
    All the needless pain you have caused to my once wholesome self
    Minds altered by slandering phrases and a sharp tongue
    The bruises upon my face colored darker then my dead heart
    Beaten and bruised, adding to my rage turning me farther from your control
    Looking upon you without eyes, just a shell of a mind
    The hollow walls of my cave like head echoing loudly, unstoppably
    You’ve drowned my emotions in your sea of hatred
    Stripping me of love, joy, and so much more
    As the millennia pass the scars will heal, but the emotions will never come back
    Paper created lines of mysterious despising and unknown loathing
    I don’t understand how your mind works, almost feeling sorry for your body
    Confined to the whim of that harsh dictator of life
    Channeling your own troubled days into my face and my ears
    I try to hide away from your obsession to keep myself sane
    But no matter what happens not what you do
    I know that you shall never be forgiven for taking away more then life
    I will hate you eternally for the pilfering of my tears
    Shattering my reflection in the salty puddle in front of me
    Laughing at my pain and living within my blood as you strike out
    Lashing my psyche with your evil obscenity and slaking your evil hunger
    But then the other side tries to show and plead its case
    It’s case looked upon by an unfeeling judge, who’s been hurt to often
    Jaded minds look unfavorably upon the pleading mind of a tormenter
    Begging for life, begging for forgiveness, prompted by the gun
    Staring into the metal hallway, at the end your destiny waits
    Crying tears reflective of those I once cried because of you
    But justice will now be served and you will never be forgiven

    ~*I don't write often but when I do I put a lot into it so plz reply wit some good responses*~

  2. #2
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    iight

    wow its unbelivable how this place can sleep on a piece this good!! i can really tell that when you do write a piece you put alot into it

    this piece here, was full of emotion, and it drew such a clear picture of everything going on, around them and in their mind. i could feel it inside me! not much to say about it other then it was a touching piece full of emotion, great flow and vocab

    ~Tera~
    DONT HATE
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  3. #3
    Banned
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    Yeah i agree this was a good piece, it made a good read and was worth the read, it had a sense of feeling i could relate to through out the peice, the flow of this was good, overall it was a good piece, keep up the good work.

  4. #4
    Saint Shizzle
    Guest
    thank you both very much all feed is much appreciated

  5. #5
    Saint Shizzle
    Guest
    up plz

  6. #6
    Saint Shizzle
    Guest
    up one last time

  7. #7
    LadyWun
    Guest
    your piece had a lot of raw emotion ad think that you had great
    wordage, i agree that you really put your thoughts and time into
    this and i think that you did very well. it was long but worth the
    read. Keep Writing.

  8. #8
    Saint Shizzle
    Guest
    thnx

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