Coca Cola Culture

[12]

Listen, this is more about life than a rap act
the fact that we were all young and all got laughed at
thinking at the time we would never get passed that
the Chief of Staff lied when he said we'd get cash back
that's that! I'm far beyond a rapper with one line
though sometimes i kneel and can't feel the sunshine
kids suffering with no money for lunchlines
fourteen year old girls shot by one time
guns line the drugs are making their pay
is it dealers or city leaders that are paving the way
i don't get it, it's like people gave'em our say
i got news, no superhero's coming saving the day
if we educate teach kids to read with phonics
they'd have a choice, proper english in the streets ebonics
instead we give'em coca cola crack speed and chronics
the rich don't care! just think, trickling economics
i think we all need to breathe a bit stop and chill
why everytime that were sick we have to pop a pill
Is this a dream? tell me this cannot be real
i'd be doing this even though i got no deal
i feel time is essence, life is like my dad spoke
circling the past as i pass through my last hope
it's a shame thinking that we're payed with the fast dope

[Born To Kill]

Cool, cool piece...

I get kinda "tired" reading the same kinda raps though...
Streets filled with dealers and rock, bangers and poverty, etc...

This one at least tried ta mention education and school as a way out.

Most just spit what they see and feel helpless about it.

I kinda didn't catch that same vibe, but it was close.

Up ya vocab and wordplay, aside from that, I think ya got some tight stuff.

Peace

[12]

Good lookin' out, but i'm really trying to get a battle on here. Someone help me out!

[Steelfist]

yo that shit was ill 12.. good lookin dunn

[Baron Mynd]

^ Your going on the moron list. .

This piece could of been a lot better, you have the basics down, internals / decent flow / multi's / ok content, but you need more depth to it, more transition, a better topic, up your vocab a little, try to get across your point without seeming preachy about it. As stated by BTK, this topic is old and many kids rhyme about the same one, making it unoriginal - hence - makes kids not want to read the same old stuff again.
Work on your flow a little more, make each line between 12-16 syllables long, up your vocab, and some of your thoughts would be better if you re-worded them slightly, so work on that.

Peace!