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Thread: lil time to vent

  1. #1
    Newbie thesun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Columbus
    Age
    40
    Posts
    40
    Battle Record
    0-5

    lil time to vent

    im sick to death had enuff of this shit/
    some times i really wanna slit my wrists/so i clench my fists/
    and realize/tho alive im dying inside/swallow my pride/
    i can even stomach yours/
    never anwser with suicide so ill homma yours/
    no roach but its my last resort/wheres your retort/
    im sittin here with a fifth of jimmy/empty/
    so im pissed but that fires in me/while yalls is skin deep/
    but yall cant stomach it still/know the drill/
    or ill leave you layin there like an uppaid electric bill/
    please be still/you could b real/if you was in cypress hill/
    fight it still/but you know i rightfully will/right now i feel/
    so invincible
    /on top the world and my fires burnin/soul is yernin/
    this pain is love, guess im learnin/but guess its time im servin/
    this jimmys workin/the press is burnin/
    yall front page now, something to see/
    too bad the front page of the O bitch uary/
    is where you be/starin back at me/
    now you whole life is in black and white/
    you was never racist but grey scaled tonight/
    i saved it tonight/when i severed your life/
    you bodys in a casket but souls in a tunnel of lite/
    you fuckin right/
    you wasnt gangsta tryed to tell ya son/
    you ain't ever clenched a gun/
    cept for nitendos duck hunt/im just blut/
    and done imma lay it down/
    watch out thesuns got this onna lock down! NOT a BATTLe just releavin stress yall feel me...
    Last edited by thesun; September 17th, 2003 at 03:22 PM
    TheSUN

  2. #2
    Alias-C
    Guest
    yo....... this needs work man.... seriously.... rhymes are on the simple side here.... need to up that vocab a bit.... and the flow is hard to find, specially because of the way you structured these lines on the verse.... you need to seperated them.... they seem scrunched up and shit... lol... you got too many of these: /
    Shit gets kinda hard to read....
    Thas all man....

    -1-

  3. #3
    Killa Feaster
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Posts
    392
    Battle Record
    6-4
    truly what he said^^^...duke...you were very...very...simple wit this shit..and ya structure was wack...you should encorperate more multi's and wordplay...study your work...and compare n contrast with that of others...


    igido
    Wit.

  4. #4
    I sing the body electric. Maven.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    3,513
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    16-12
    one thread a day
    read the rules

    [closed]
    wordperfect?
    ..o0Pure0o..

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