Sadness in my eyes

[Sweet Sauce]

when you lose your friend nouthins worse~
even when u flowin u cant spit a verse/
u chokin on it~
u kno what u wnna spit/
im sick of it~
but my fans obviously love it/
i bring a whole new story to the mic~
Like Mike~ im perfected/
ripe text~dyke sex~shit suggested~
processed info like a computer/
got my gun on "mute her"~
my rhyme still got the "same slur"/
bitches tryin to get in my head~
sayin "this other nigga comin over", keep fuckin wit me see if u dun feel the lead/
it pisses me off~
when i havent done shit and im accussed/
not my fault uve been abused~
i havent bruised(u)~dun get that confused/
thats just a rude jesture~
sorry if i almost wnna beat cha/
tell your man he betta re-Treat ya~
if he dun make u feel good bout yo self/
just step and reflect~
i got yo back-yo neck-and my tek/
ill come in a sec~
cuz baby i luv u like i luv my Gang/
Amor De Rey~all i gotta say~
"Help me" all u gotta spray/
u got me eattin out of ur palm~
i wish this could be put in the bible as a "love pslam"/
but it aint gon happen~
niggas fuck wit u, ima be clappin/
remapin my turf...

[Topic]

mediocre, not tryna put u down or nuttin cuz u had some tight lines in there but heres what u need to work on - vocab, dont worry almost everyone on this site needs work on that including me, multis, more rhyming wouled help, and stay on 1 topic readers liked to be amused by the way you show a certain topic or they like to be interested in what ur writing about but when u write about nothing readers dont find that a good read, good luck 1

[Sweet Sauce]

thanks for da reply
uppin

[Maven.]

ahh, my fellow, it's nice that you followed my advise...at least I think you did, but you broke the rules.
too bad.
one piece a day, bro.
[closed]