I watch

[Provoked Images]

if one man choose death, one man choose life

i watch

if one man apoligize while one man hits his wife

i watch

if one man loses and one man wins

i watch

if one man repents and one man sins

i watch

and when each man finds himself
within his soul beside himself
soon to find he hides himself

i watch

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i won a contest with this poem see wat ya'll think...

[lil_roxy]

nice peice. ina way its paints a picture gets u thinkin how people find dem selfs n wot dey find in dem selfs. i dont realli kno wot to say, u'v got me thinkin. well done keep it up
peace ~roX~

[$tyle/$witch]

i watch to.............whatelse am i suppos'd to do.........lol.........dis i a short AND iight piece......................1ne

[Prince Escobar]

Ehh congrats on winning or watever but this piece was rather short and not too deep, i wasnt really feelnig it it stated the facts but i didnt like it too much but dont change a think, one mans trash....stay up and keep droppin u show potential, 1luv.

[shiznit]

Shiznit's Thoughts:

I pictured something quite amazing on this one. Its like Judgement Day, meaning, its like your in between looking through the eyes of God. The good people on your right and sinners on your left. Maybe Judgment Day is far too much so i would rather say just how God sees the world. How pain destroys lives of mankind and how happiness restores its bond. How he sees as unbalanced universe and how its struggling to find its cause of perfection.

^^thats my perspectives on it.

Very creative. Youve compiled less than 1000 characters and formed it into a very inspirational one.

Its worth reading the piece.

Rhetorical Insights Week VII is up. Not gonna hurt to drop one in there. Thanks

[Bounce]

^ I agree

I can see the definitive eye's of a 'creator' gazing upon his creation(s). Even the monodrone tone, reflects the redundant sights in which the 'creator' has long been witness to. An almost desensitizing view of the trade off between good and evil, or moral and unmoral, ethical and unethical... I would like to know what the topic of the contest was..

Nice simple form, but it just goes to show you, even the most simplistic structure can house great meaning and symbolence..

Keep them comming..

[~Soultress~]

I didn't really see the scenes the others did,
In my eyes while reading this I saw a man tortured
by tourment, almost like he is unable to make decisions
for himself, so he sits - almost on the edge of society -
and watches life go by him. Like the phrase "on the outside
looking in"
Where you can watch everything, good and bad happen
before you.
I enjoyed this one..

[Provoked Images]

tha contest was wat we think of one self's through anotha's eyes, although i did not choose god as tha one who watched it was a man that chose himself as tha prophit or tha man who will change tha world because he's already figured out tha meaning of life although god does sorta fit into that...

[prophiit]

I didn't read any responses so i don't know if this has been said yet so here goes..............

I looked at this as a message from god. Meaning there is a higher power up there watching everything we do both good and bad. THere is deep thought in this poem and some really good flow. I like the repeating line "I watch" it gave me an eerie feeling for a minute like someone was actually looking at me!!!!! Even though it was extremely short I really liked this poem. Gave me a sense of relief in a way like 'yeah someone is watching over me'. In short I think this piece had great message and other than the length I wouldn't change a thing..........thanks for the experience. 1

[Content]

what contest did you win..and where at?
how old are you? what did you win?
~ive only won T-shirts in high school~

this does definately make you think about a
lot of things but also leaves much more to be
desired as well....

was there more to your last section that made
your poem stand out from everyone elses?

I almost overslept for work this morning but
it was raining hard and this loud thunder came
out of nowhere and woke me up quickly..
which never happens...in a way I believe
god was helping me there...

this was okay..kinda suprised tat this was a winner
though...your real version had to be at least twice as long..

maybe not thogh....if anything congrats for taking the contest
but this leaves a lot to be disired on the topic of the matter..

peace

[Madd Preacher]

i like the whole

'i watch' thing but the rest to me is simple and elementary...there could be more depth to the meaning of your poem duke

[Varentao]

Lightly atmospheric. But if one digs into it. They get heavier atmosphere.

It was short. But compressed in a manner which was kind of loose yet everything there to make it a solid and strong piece.

Using as few words as possible to bring forth a meaning is something hard to do. For a quick read, which makes one think a bit, this is a very good piece.

The meaning i got out of it? A man looking at the world, and with everything he sees (dies, lives-apologises-hits...etc. etc.), he moves one step closer to enlightenement. And then he gets there with that fairly profound three line stanza.

I guess the ending was that now he/she just carries on watching and waits. For now he/she knows what he/she's looking for. Hmmm...that brings with it more than one effect. Cos an outsider would think he's doing nothing but waht he was doing before..

..Anyway, i enjoyed this. I enjoy pieces of this nature. Of this 'kind'.

EDIT: But saying that, i must also give some critique. Some of the
things you 'saw' could've maybe been a bit more striking and profound. Only a bit, as too much would've lost the effect of the piece....
...resp...

[DeadlyAlliance]

Originally posted by lil_roxy
nice peice. ina way its paints a picture gets u thinkin how people find dem selfs n wot dey find in dem selfs. i dont realli kno wot to say, u'v got me thinkin. well done keep it up
peace ~roX~

said it all...