Cant be without you

[Rapstyles]

Miss the late nights waiting up, we should really be together
The days been really tough, hearts feeling light as feathers
You left me for no great reason, I didn't even really cheat.
And this has been no great season, chills've runnin down to my feet.
I wouldn't leave you in the street, but you obviously had somewhere to go.
Don't think I'd hurt you and the kids, screwing around with some hoe.
This is really stressin, the babies crying, don't keep me guessin..
Are you comin home anytime soon..? I mean, I'm just tryin my best n'..
With my every will to prove to you that I didn't do anything wrong..
And if I you think I never cared.. Why would I be writing you this song...
It's for you baby, I'm trying to show you that I want you back home...
Don't let anyone mess with you.. Or my glock'll end up an inch from their dome.
The kids miss you too, I cant keep lying, saying you'll be back Monday..
I want you back and I'm trying, n' you know I'll be waiting for you someday.
Remember our first date? Said you'll never leave me and you'll always listen.
Just the thought of us at that memory, makes the moment glisten..
So if you get this in time, I want you to take it to the heart...
That you'll always be mine, and you will always be my star..

 

[Rapstyles]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...777/index.html

This is for you cry love ya..
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...796/index.html

[Verbal Hologram]

Not bad for your first OM Text. I thought the piece was pretty good man n' it was a good read. I think it had a nice flow and told a good story.

Anyway these were my favorite bars...

Miss the late nights waiting up, we should really be together
The days been really tough, hearts feeling light as feathers

I wouldn't leave you in the street, but you obviously had somewhere to go.
Don't think I'd hurt you and the kids, screwing around with some hoe.

The kids miss you too, I cant keep lying, saying you'll be back Monday..
I want you back and I'm trying, n' you know I'll be waiting for you someday.

Remember our first date? Said you'll never leave me and you'll always listen.
Just the thought of us at that memory, makes the moment glisten..

nice work homie keep it up.

peace

[Cody Nash]

two links. get another by tommorow or I close it.

[sILLable]

lots of emotion...cliche topic done again and again,but heart break is everyday so what can you do.your rhyme scheme was there,but a bit simple for this piece,i thought you could have used more complexity,more vocab,multis would have tied in to the piece really nice,just a few things you could work on..some wordplay to..not bad for your first om piece..just elevate and keep writin always.~1~

[KnowP]

You wrote what I anticipated. Kinda plain to me. Nothing really exciting as far as creative metaphors or
Analogies. Id like to see more life in this topic. Think out the box.
Not bad...but not great either. Ya next one should be fire!
Stay up!

[KnowP]

You wrote what I anticipated. Kinda plain to me. Nothing really exciting as far as creative metaphors or
Analogies. Id like to see more life in this topic. Think out the box.
Not bad...but not great either. Ya next one should be fire!
Stay up!

[Nika Subin]

Heres how I see it: Kinda plain sure, but touching nonetheless. And plain isn't even all that bad.

You did the right thing though, I think. Honestly, only you know, I suppose. But I certainly felt you did the right thing when you wrote this. You took the audience into consideration, in this case a specific person in mind.

Glock inch from done line was pretty sketchy though. But then, I suppose only you know why you'd want to put up some violent confrontation type material in an otherwise apologetic piece. I feel it works on many levels, like I said, it's not bad.

I think what you did best was capture the thought patterns of someone in similar situations.

-

[MC Fatal]

It went decent, a few mention-less lines caught my eye, but it could of been better.

[FreshADiddle]

hmmm, i'm a woman, so ofcourse i love lovey-dovey bullshit. lyrically, this was nothing spectacular...but it seemed rather hearfelt....but very generic. In my opinion, if you're going to tackle "i'm sorry, please come back" then you have to bring some creativity and originality in order for it to be successful.......unless you're openin for justin bieber.

keep writing.