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Thread: family problems

  1. #1
    Hailstorm
    Guest

    family problems

    Im goin through some family problems
    And I really need to solve them
    before my famly starts dissolvin
    But before the problems are solved
    I need to find the cause of it all
    cuz i dont want everythingto fall
    apart, dont want no broken hearts
    so ihad decided to start
    seeing someone to help this all stop
    until i realized its not my fault
    so i put more pride inside myself
    and that is source of my self wealth
    and now i feel more secure around everyone else
    the problems are almost all gone
    soon nuttin at all will be wrong

  2. #2

  3. #3
    LiTeSknBaby F.A.M.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    S.O.U.T.H.
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    915
    Battle Record
    11-8
    daaaaaaaaamn y u stop? i was feelin that...i always like to read real life situations if im not mistaken i read another drop from you on some family issues i think if you make the shit a lil bit longer or whateva ita be nicer,in my opinion it didnt need all that vocab sometimes simplicity is good..in this case it worked,,nice

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  4. #4
    slap...slap...slap conquistador's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Everywhere
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    39
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    1-1
    man you gonna think I am an asshole but I didn't like it because I didn't like the rhyme scheme. It was very similar to Cam'ron. It rhymed to often and there was very little use of narrative imagery. I guess it all depends on what rappers influence and who you respect that'll dictate your style. You got flow but this is something you could rap of the top of your head when a seconds notice...no depth or anything but I was way worse than you a few years ago so be happy.
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  5. #5
    ||RythmicTendicies|| 'PercepTion''s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
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    Northern Ireland, UK
    Age
    36
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    3,166
    Battle Record
    7-13
    liked the way you tried to insert the real emotion
    in this, it kinda didn't feel that deep for some reason,
    i could see that you tried to get it real, gritty etc...
    maybe by added some better vocab it would help,
    it'd make it a bit more complex. Rhyme scheme was
    easy enough to follow, coulda been laid out better
    th0, but was decent. FLow was aight, was smooth
    enough, liked some of the words you rhymed...

    try to add some deeper emotion in it th0, but it
    was decent...3/5

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=165833
    Open Mic's


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  6. #6
    Hailstorm
    Guest
    seems like im gettin better as i go

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