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[Da Joka]

well i wasnt sure what to title this....this piece was just some thoughts on my mind....so i thought i'd write it down and just see what n e one else thought...


Two supposed lovers, trapped within indifference
Passions inflamed, ignighting the darkened skies
But do those desires rest within each other?

Two hearts emanating a devote radiance
Set along an unchanging course of life
But an underlying doubt clouds their destinies

Two minds mingling amongst the stars
Dancing along the Milky Way, creating a perfect love
But those minds are jaded by the harsh words of others

Two souls singing out to let the world know
With feelings deeper then reality that words can’t express
But the longing for life tarnishes those feelings

Two people charting unknown stories in this life
Each with their own destinies, each with their own goals
But their paths in life never meet
So onward they must march down their own rugged paths

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...791#post730791
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...795#post730795

[Dope Name]

FLOW: i was really liking your flow in this i like your uniqe style i was realy feeling the structure and complexity
EMOTION: wasnt too raw but it was some coulda used more but it was aight
VOCAB: liked it a verity of simple n some complex really felt it
TOPIC: used alot but hey ya pulled it off and i saw your point

CRITISIM: coulda used more raw emotion i could see your point but i couldnt feel it but is jus me



..resp..

[Da Joka]

thnx fo the feed...lookin fo more

[Da Joka]

up?