My first piece

[Ajax 0042]

Iraq is back in action causing a distraction
in reaction to this state of inaction //

we back again with the flack an the
knack of knockin back with out any slack //

while we have war planes they knockin at your door
with some c4 to hide in your drawer //

I will use the hidden rage to wage war
on all those who want my people to be no more//

some people say terrorism is their way but
today we will show them a new array of shock an awe//

the people of Saddam claimin we wont bomb
but if they breathe our toke I guarantee they choke//

those who seek destruction of me will soon see
the wrath of thee with a ting of glee from within me//

we have wings of supersonic flight so we can take you
while u shiverin in fright in the heat of the night//

justice will be served to those we deserve the might
and the fight within my country for all those in memory//

in the mist of the night within the mighty blast full of might
the sky will explode as if the sky itself will unfold//

as I go u lose control as if im bout to tear out ya soul
for a toll to make the circle whole//

get yo kicks with murder n deception which is no
exception so u will have to face our interception//

I have a lethal arsenal in my grasp that’ll make ya gasp
as if have a “asp” as my symbol to show im nimble//
(a asp is a type of cobra but my use of it is when it is meant as a symbol of power over life and death)
as the night turns ta day u will stand there in dismay
as the aftershock forces you to obey//

all you can say is tha it don pay ta run away you’ll jus
become prey cuz we don play with the hollow points we spray//

[Ajax 0042]

aight all this is y first piece on her so don ripp on me too bad i wrote this awhile ago and i m truly sorry if the topic agravates you in any way it isnt ment ta do tha

[Ajax 0042]

uppin

[Amp]

it was nice, almost brought a tear to my eye. the topic is kind of old now but it still is a nice peice

[Ajax 0042]

ya i no the topic is old but i wrote it awhile ago i jus never postedit like all my stuff any ways thanks for the post

..resp..


uppin

[Ajax 0042]

hey im uppin for some feedback

[Deceit]

Hmm, i KNOW you're expecting me...But i'ma surprise you and not complain much.
The good points:

You've got a good 'ye olde' feel in parts as if you're planning to write history, it's intriguing;
'the wrath of thee '

'justice will be served'
This is a nice patriotic line which will relate to anyone, especially full-blooded Americans as living in the country alone forces patriotism.
Though this peice is very inspiring for a first one, i can't help but think it was dying to be emotional, but stayed below the surface...

Also, Iraq isn't really causing problems: 'Iraq is back in action causing a distraction', they were never in action, Saddam was at one point, you will recall that these weapons were sold to them through Americans themselves whether directly or not. Just ponting out that the historical context is blurred

Also there is hypocrisy, which should always be avoided in politics, although it is always present, hiding this benefits the outlook of your emotions and the peice wholly: 'the people of Saddam claimin we wont bomb
but if they breathe our toke I guarantee they choke'

Is that not generally implying use of Weapons of Mass Destruction, something you are trying to get rid of? And once again, Saddam has no people, he only has dogs, filthy dogs who are called politicians who are afraid to stand up for what every Iraqi wants, freedom.

I will tell of something here, in the hope that i will not receive prejudice...I am Arabic, and proud. Just as you may be American, African or anywhere and proud.
I say, as long as the innocent are not harmed and infastructure is given to the country, Americans MUST fight to remove Saddam, after all if they lost, who would win? This modern day Stalin? My father was tortured by Saddam, my uncle's and aunt's and cousins, killed, this man sent back a bag of bones to signify their death...I feel this peice, i agree with it, but i can't help thinking you are attacking the people rather than the politicians.

Overall, a nicely written peice, for a first of course, i can see emotion and if only it were brought out further. The structure needs some more concentration, but this isn't a bad peice by any means. Congrats on your first B-Squared

[Ajax 0042]

first of all you have my condolences for your loss i feel ya i wrote this awhile ago when saddam was threatin us and shit n yes he doesnt have people i agree. to me most politicians are complete pussys and would rather sit back in ther chairs and not do shit (chou the french gh no beef) and the line regarding toke u take it as in missles but the toke i m refering to is our country as a whole moving in to take him out to free the people of iraq and all others he has tortured over these past very very long 20+ years (mainly the kurds) back to the "dogs" i too agree that thses men are tru cowards and i hope they are not ther to lead the new iraq into the future otherwise we will be back again

Iraq isnt causing major problems but to me losing on average of 2 men and women in arms is a cuase of major cocern actualy i do bielive we should take action instead of letting these people (if thas wha you wanna call them, killing inocent people abd soilders in a market playing ball with the local kids) continue to do this

""I will tell of something here, in the hope that i will not receive prejudice...I am Arabic, and proud. Just as you may be American, African or anywhere and proud.
I say, as long as the innocent are not harmed and infastructure is given to the country, Americans MUST fight to remove Saddam, after all if they lost, who would win? This modern day Stalin? My father was tortured by Saddam, my uncle's and aunt's and cousins, killed, this man sent back a bag of bones to signify their death...I feel this peice, i agree with it, but i can't help thinking you are attacking the people rather than the politicians.""

you are trully right i do also bielive the US coulda went about it a lil differently but if you think about it ITS A WAR and we have had only about 35 colateral damage's thas pretty damn good as you and the rest of the world can see we have our wepons so precis tha we could drop them threw your chimney in Vietnam our wepons were ballistic no guidence look how many inoccent people were killed they figure about 1/3 of every 200,000 killed were inocent 30 years later we have 34 losses to our 270 somthin so i do bielive tha the US has done as much as they can to go after the men who are to blame and not the people of iraq

[Ajax 0042]

hey Deceit no hate/beef right???




.............................................UPPIN ..................................................

[Ajax 0042]

hey im uppin for some feed

[Ajax 0042]

Iraq isnt causing major problems but to me losing on average of 2 men and women in arms is a day cuase of major cocern actualy i do bielive we should take action instead of letting these people (if thas wha you wanna call them, killing inocent people abd soilders in a market playing ball with the local kids) continue to do this


my bad

[Deceit]

Sorry, didn't check this, no beef, nice to have someone agree, but do you know about Bloody Sunday in Ireland sometime ago? January 30th 1979 I believe. Look it up if you don't. This also happened in Iraq, 14 people, 4 children were killed whether on purpose or by accident i do not know. They were allegedly parading for Saddam's birthday.
4 young girl's, i believe, were also killed in a church during the American oppression of African's at one point and 14 people dies on Bloody Sunday, though this instant is not a recognized event...They were by all means definitely innocent, why is this so low key? It just makes you feel, excuse the cliche, 'violated'

Anyway, i did still like this peice and realised it as a work of emotion and anger, and no there is no beef at all!

[Ajax 0042]

i have never heard of the bloody sunday incodent i will look into it and post back

[Ajax 0042]

in my research of that topic it seemed that there were to many people in high place that were hostile so when the "attack" happened ther was no way of telling who was good and who was bad so in tha cases a person must think that all are hostile untill further intel arives but for the killing of inoccent children in the african church i have no excuse of for our actions but all i can say is that no one is perfect (even the red white and blue) but someone must have fucked up but im am almost positive that all involved were prosecuted


on the bloody sunday it was hevily covered up so ther are many diferent verson of what happened that day so ther is no telling who is to blame for what actions, but it goes to show that this event is wha i like to call a keneddy event or something that the goverment will hide and will never realese (prolly to cever ther ass's)



( no hate or beef by any thing i said)

[Ajax 0042]

hey im uppin fo some feed