Suicide

[Da Joka]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...979#post662979
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...985#post662985


The sky rumbles around me
The heaven’s open upon me and rain starts to fall
Drip…Drip…Drip….
Drops steadily intensifying in their fury
The world around me grows cold
Colder then it was…if that’s possible
Visions flash by my eyes, spinning uncontrollably
Overwhelming me and drowning me like an ocean
They can’t be escaped and they won’t go away…
They won’t come back another day, because they’re here everyday
The gun in my hand grows very heavy
Weighed down by my endless sorrows
But they taunt me…daring me to do it….
I struggle to aid myself in ending this long journey
Finally I find that strength, hidden deep within my soul
Boiled to the top by the anger and the hatred
Unjustifiable anger blazing a path through my mind
Propelling that bullet from its dark chamber….FASTER…FASTER!!
Finally it hits me….a greater truth is realized
But this epiphany is too late understood…
For now…it will do me no good
For I now travel on a path that has been well worn
It’s a dirt path strewn and stained with blood
Leading me towards the end of the rainbow
The mouth of the cave is alive with flame and it scares me
But I don’t need to worry for the devil is kindly guiding me by the hand...

[Bounce]

Intense...Good imagery and flow, overall I liked this piece. A very sensitive topic, full of emotion and pain and relization. I look forward to reading more of your work. This piece depicts an escape... at a price, one that supprised me at the end, a religous conclusion to taking your own life... Nice twist, I thought it was going one way, then you changed up... Nice...

Bounce Dog

[Varentao]

Started off well enough. Hitting the reader straight away.

But then it started to go on and off a bit. Made the piece drag a bit. I think that's mainly due to the level of which you set the basis of it. You let the emotions come but channeled loosely...so the parts that didn't come from the 'channel', didn't end up in 'place' too well (they can be, but in this piece, it was 50-50).

Still, that's a slightly picky criticism. Because overall the imagery and emotions made this piece most definetly felt. And a fairly well executed ending too.

...resp...

[Da Joka]

wow this is awsome....ive posted this piece on many sites because it's one of my favorites out of what i've written....

and i must say these are the best responses i've ever gotten....you people really know how to give responses....maybe i'll stick around after all....

thanks for the feed

[Ajax 0042]

hey this was good i liked it full of emotion n u hit the reader right away i also look forward to reading ur work

[Da Joka]

can i up dis?

[Da Joka]

uppin for the last time in hopes of getting more then 3 responses...

[Da Joka]

man poems get burried fast here

[Da Joka]

up again

wake up peps