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Thread: children can teach us lessons

  1. #1
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Arrow children can teach us lessons

    yo all thanks for checking in here it goes,

    I find myself again staring up thoughtless at that old ceiling fan//
    thinking of all those great times together wanting just to hold in my hands//
    I will never forget the way your toothless smile unburden my days//
    and how your permanent endearment change forever my ways//

    Every breath u inhaled through your miniature freckled nose//
    made my whole body chime with love right down to my toes//
    Every beautiful sight that your vivid brown eyes did take in//
    made me apprehend that God does relinquish all of my sins//

    You taught me everything with your heart pure of gold//
    critical things like your love for someone is prime to be told//
    You taught me substance that only a genuine child could teach//
    essential things to you like just the right way to bite into a peach//

    All of your clever dreamy lessons I will never forget//
    but I am asking one big-hearted last favour from you yet//
    All that I ask of you is mere yet so significant//
    I am asking you to never forget this face and to wait for me up there high in heaven.... //


    yeah the last line doesnt really fit but hey start uppin this shit


    Last edited by Spoken; June 20th, 2003 at 10:53 AM
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  2. #2
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    .
    Last edited by Spoken; June 20th, 2003 at 12:27 PM
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  3. #3
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    looking for some replys here keep on coming
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  4. #4
    SmoothCrmnl
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    ey girl..it seems we encounter eachother again and yet you never make it a dull visit...you got mad skills and i can envision each - and - every line that comes together to make come to life...i felt you on this - keep it up boo

    holla

  5. #5
    BANNED For Spam blood__thick's Avatar
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    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "MY ONLY FEAR OF DEATH IS COMING BACK REINCARNATED"

    2-PAC

  6. #6
    BANNED For Spam blood__thick's Avatar
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    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    "MY ONLY FEAR OF DEATH IS COMING BACK REINCARNATED"

    2-PAC

  7. #7
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    thx all except thick blood here keep uppin
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    alright...this piece is not that bad but couldve been better ya kno if u used wordplays...but that was just a suggestion..i mean its good as it is....

    the content of this piece was pretty interesting by the fact that u structured it according to what u want....and thats really impressive

    well..i liked it ...

  9. #9
    Certified Like A COW Varentao's Avatar
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    I liked this filed.

    Though i felt you were a bit too elaborate at times, especiallyt in terms of the ryhme scene.

    But using a kind of simplicity you really bought this piece out to the reader. Especially the way you implemented imagery.

    ..resp..



    PS

    I will close this thread. When you have LESS THAN 2 pieces on the first page, PM me, Shiznit, Phrantik or Deacon and we will re-open it and up it to the first page. Sorry, not your fault. Rule only started 8 mins ago.
    I'm too secure to have a signature.

    Oh.

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