Sinning vs. Aeeyo

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Thread: Sinning vs. Aeeyo

  1. #1
    Baby Fox Sinning's Avatar
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    Sinning vs. Aeeyo

    20 bars, of light and death..surprise me bet..lightest chest..tony stark it..breath..left..right..bet..let's do this..

  2. #2
    Baby Fox Sinning's Avatar
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    Re: Sinning vs. Aeeyo

    I'm reigning with a thrust, i have the fire in my heart, spitting propane at your lust
    in vain you will be dust..i have 'yo yo on my string theory' so when he raps..he'll spontaneously combust
    my morality exceed your grounds, here's a quick listen to death..i'll bury you in the seeping sounds
    my sinister grin awoke your creeping frown, you're slow as hell..while I'm a speed demon..I'm light years ahead of the speed of sound
    my shroud will take out this boy's glory, i have a angel's harp, while your voice bores me
    I'm like a conniving blacksmith, I'll destroy more keys, my pistols will shock you; i have a 'buzz kill' for your toy story
    i leave a permanent scar, i stab sharpies; you'll hear silent screams like mad harpies
    my katana will leave you with a sad marking; i'm a spanish hitler, my 'one man army swiss army knife' will kill your rap army
    I'm hope in galore; with my death threats and jack gestures; i provoke with remorse
    i'll put my nose to your corpse, I'm as deadly as the tekken fighter, when Yoshimitsu (Yo she Met Su') the bitch was met with the throat of a sword
    I'm rhyming prudent, rhyming nuisance, I'll destroy this fruit with lightning prudence
    you can't see me, my iris lucid, I'll off this 'old whig' with twin pistols like defying the laws of physics and killing Isaac Newton
    I'm a killer like ted bundy, i have sodom and gommorah for this butt buddy
    you're not a real mc, this dud's ugly, you're just a 'substitute for crash' like a stunt dummy
    I'm ready, looky; I kill vets like a black cat when i'm set as rookie
    i have deadly hooks, sea, you're just 'aye,yo' while I'm 'Master Yoshi' (Master Yo She) like the king of getting pussy..
    I'll turn this crooked thief to confetti; I'm in your dreams as nightmares' looking as a freedy
    i'll get pussy when I'm ready, you couldn't get 'pussy in your dreams' i'm a 'seer with a spirit finger' like Yusuke Uremeshi..
    I'm the spanish hitler..i broke jews with manic thrawls, yet I'm a christian, quote jew in havoc war
    zone groups in lavish score, you're out of your element, in my battlefield..i'll 'kill this green alien' like goku in dragonball..

    20..don't get it ..don't vote..

  3. #3
    Stillmatic
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    Re: Sinning vs. Aeeyo

    Check.

    That's a lot of writing

  4. #4
    Stillmatic
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    Re: Sinning vs. Aeeyo

    Good luck.

    resurrect ur moral code to horrid scopes until ur focus cannot abound
    as i carve a cove.............................now see how stupid u sound?
    i'm confused as hell, u posted a bunch of random shit from the alpha-bet
    so i beta throw the book at this guy cuz that bullshit i doubt gets read
    who the hell is u, a weird nigga who calls himself a baby ass fox
    nigga, that spit was dribble, looks like your parents gave u rabies n pox
    no ammo nigga, we'll send goons to end ya journey, the path u on is stale
    cuz ur slugs get a-salted repeatedly, we been sent death on ur trail
    no way u beat'n me, damn, ur self-awareness has absolutely no hope
    clearly u on a lot of shit, nigga, and u still don't know how to get dope
    talk'n bout magic n swords n shit, so u gonna send our souls to hell, huh?
    i don't doubt it, since ur verse looks like a spell from the Legend of Zelda
    but i feel bad for u, u seem to act like a ho in every forum, that's tough
    in Open Mic u suck, and in the Front Lines and LLL, nigga, ur fuk'd
    dude, ur concepts seem hammered, please find another trade... like tomorrow
    line construction so shakey, each week u literally drop another level
    me and u in the same sentence? oh hell no, i took feedback from peers
    but all this feedback u got, and still u stayed consistently wack for years?
    no doubt ur mental is lame, i'm not sure u'll ever elevate in this game
    u got no Clue, niggas murder u, we candle stick a wrench in your brain

  5. #5

  6. #6
    Baby Fox Sinning's Avatar
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    Re: Sinning vs. Aeeyo

    yes..good battle..let's see how it goes..

  7. #7
    COKE Kill Spree's Avatar
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    Re: Sinning vs. Aeeyo

    Quote Originally Posted by Sinning View Post
    yes..good battle..let's see how it goes..
    You really are an idiot.....


    I’ll clean this up... all the free posting when I get to my comp and sinning can enjoy another ban

  8. #8
    Do you get it yet? Networth's Avatar
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    Re: Sinning vs. Aeeyo

    I'm reigning with a thrust, i have the fire in my heart, spitting propane at your lust
    in vain you will be dust..i have 'yo yo on my string theory' so when he raps..he'll spontaneously combust
    ^good concept, poor setup, and punch fell to a bad flow
    my morality exceed your grounds, here's a quick listen to death..i'll bury you in the seeping sounds
    my sinister grin awoke your creeping frown, you're slow as hell..while I'm a speed demon..I'm light years ahead of the speed of sound
    ^meh(maybe/mediocre)..decent concept,ineffective setup, and choppy flow led to a diminished punch
    my shroud will take out this boy's glory, i have a angel's harp, while your voice bores me
    I'm like a conniving blacksmith, I'll destroy more keys, my pistols will shock you; i have a 'buzz kill' for your toy story
    ^meh.. a decent concept but there are two diff attempts at punches which took the sting and flow off
    i leave a permanent scar, i stab sharpies; you'll hear silent screams like mad harpies
    my katana will leave you with a sad marking; i'm a spanish hitler, my 'one man army swiss army knife' will kill your rap army
    ^strange concept(s) that were hindered by execution in setup, punch and "army" repetition deaded the flow
    I'm hope in galore; with my death threats and jack gestures; i provoke with remorse
    i'll put my nose to your corpse, I'm as deadly as the tekken fighter, when Yoshimitsu (Yo she Met Su') the bitch was met with the throat of a sword
    ^Very interesting concept and decent flow in setup and punch, but the former didn't aide in delivery and Yoshi is inserted forcefully, so this is a small miss.
    I'm rhyming prudent, rhyming nuisance, I'll destroy this fruit with lightning prudence
    you can't see me, my iris lucid, I'll off this 'old whig' with twin pistols like defying the laws of physics and killing Isaac Newton
    ^Very cool overall minus a sub par setup and shaking wording on delivery. Cool concept tho.
    I'm a killer like ted bundy, i have sodom and gommorah for this butt buddy
    you're not a real mc, this dud's ugly, you're just a 'substitute for crash' like a stunt dummy
    ^Meh, this wasn't setup well and the punch's concept is lacking in appeal.. decent flow in this one tho
    I'm ready, looky; I kill vets like a black cat when i'm set as rookie
    i have deadly hooks, sea, you're just 'aye,yo' while I'm 'Master Yoshi' (Master Yo She) like the king of getting pussy..
    ^Interesting use of multis to add to flow(u do this often) but there's little to no correlation in setup and punch. First line(setup) had mad potential here too.
    I'll turn this crooked thief to confetti; I'm in your dreams as nightmares' looking as a freedy
    i'll get pussy when I'm ready, you couldn't get 'pussy in your dreams' i'm a 'seer with a spirit finger' like Yusuke Uremeshi..
    ^This was dope...minus a slightly forced setup and "dreams" repeating, this concept was fire. I would however like to remind you that YuYu Hakasho is an old anime, almost unknown to most, even moderate manga fans. You have to be much more relatable, sometimes even at the cost of dumbing down your verse; as terrible as that sounds.
    I'm the spanish hitler..i broke jews with manic thrawls, yet I'm a christian, quote jew in havoc war
    zone groups in lavish score, you're out of your element, in my battlefield..i'll 'kill this green alien' like goku in dragonball..
    ^Nah man, this is a miss due to a poor setup which highlighted religion but had no mention of such in the punch. The wording and flow here leaves a lot to be desired as well.

    vs

    resurrect ur moral code to horrid scopes until ur focus cannot abound
    as i carve a cove.............................now see how stupid u sound?
    ^lmao.. lunchtime?cuz u tryna eat > decent setup to correlate to the punch which was short and sweet, cool personal concept and solid delivery
    i'm confused as hell, u posted a bunch of random shit from the alpha-bet
    so i beta throw the book at this guy cuz that bullshit i doubt gets read
    ^nice concept, decent setup, and a good punch minus a slightly forced flow
    who the hell is u, a weird nigga who calls himself a baby ass fox
    nigga, that spit was dribble, looks like your parents gave u rabies n pox
    ^Nice personal concept, cool setup, and nice, funny punch. Wording is crucial to delivery as u know, and we're all quick to point out to Sinning and the like, but we may overlook our own at times in the smallest way. For instance, "Baby ass fox"/Rabies n pox" would read better with 'n' being wrote all the way out to 'and' just because of the syllables: BaF reads as three.. while RnP reads a two in a strange way.. Small stuff idk it's a text thing, in audio they both sound like three forsure idk how else to explain it. Yeah I do.. "Reads as three" vs "Reads's three"<<Naw thats a sucky example smdh lemme stop fr this is too long for a bar breakdown, on god; but pronunciation is key.
    no ammo nigga, we'll send goons to end ya journey, the path u on is stale
    cuz ur slugs get a-salted repeatedly, we been sent death on ur trail
    ^Interesting concept, sub par setup needed to be slightly more directed, but the punch was witty and hit well minus some semi shaky structuring/wording
    no way u beat'n me, damn, ur self-awareness has absolutely no hope
    clearly u on a lot of shit, nigga, and u still don't know how to get dope
    ^cool concept, but the self aware/on some shit relatability is questionable although clearly referring to inebriation or impairment; should've been setup better. Decent flow, decent bar overall.
    talk'n bout magic n swords n shit, so u gonna send our souls to hell, huh?
    i don't doubt it, since ur verse looks like a spell from the Legend of Zelda
    ^Very nice concept, good setup and flow minus some needed tweaks in wording. Taking that intial 'n' out of the setup, and 'the' before "Legend of Zelda" in the punch might help for easier reading but really good bar overall.
    but i feel bad for u, u seem to act like a ho in every forum, that's tough
    in Open Mic u suck, and in the Front Lines and LLL, nigga, ur fuk'd
    ^The concept was there but fell flat to a shaky correlation between ho/ suck,fuk'd.. that was just super light. Decent attempt tho.
    dude, ur concepts seem hammered, please find another trade... like tomorrow
    line construction so shakey, each week u literally drop another level
    ^Concept was interesting and a decent attempt at tying in hamered-construction but the flow here is shitty as the wording jumps off the page as forced, almost to the point of not rhyming at all. idk .. but this is a miss forsure.
    me and u in the same sentence? oh hell no, i took feedback from peers
    but all this feedback u got, and still u stayed consistently wack for years?
    ^Setup had potential but you should've found a synonym for feedback in one line or the other. Flow was off due to poor wording too.
    no doubt ur mental is lame, i'm not sure u'll ever elevate in this game
    u got no Clue, niggas murder u, we candle stick a wrench in your brain
    ^idk if u were going for a mental/mantle corr with candlestick or what but if this bar is over my head sorry, it shouldve been more clear. If it was simply mental is lame-got no Clue(boardgame), then it's just an ass concept u chopped n killed.... as in you Ass,Ass and ate it when u went grocery shoppin n saw it. lol... that was a worst attempt than this bar by far, but it wasn't good either.




    So yea, this battled saw two relatively new battlers attempt at their best, to continue to improve and compete amongst what is becoming a dying breed in Text-Forum Artists'(i should coin that)

    On one hand you have @Sinning , who is clearly a highly intelligent, poetic rooted craftsmen with mostly dope concepts that are thought provoking and difficult to fathom, to a fault. If he was groomed, or taken under the wing of Mid-to-High level Text Battler in a setting where we could contribute feedback, or constructive criticism throughout his verses, or even better give him and others an opportunity to post many many more verses, then you would see immense elevation and a gradual increase in his understanding a textual structure and formatting, because that's truly All that is missing imho..
    Can you imagine concepts like the ones @Sinning displays... formulated into a short bar format with crisp wording?? He would be a true force to be reckoned with. Sinning... please dont be discouraged and abandon your craft.. continue to shorten your bars + improve your wording as you to some degree have, and begin to refrain from outdated concepts that are not relatable, then, I believe you will see a drastic increase of votes in your favor.


    On the other hand there's @AeeYo who is a quick witted, quickly developing, stylistic student of the game, who looks to vastly improve with nearly every drop. He's active in the Bslapped in FL which will in turn lead to more opportunities for growth. While advancing in writing, I would advise that you dont become complacent with a few battles here and there and possibly create verses in your spare time against phantom opponents. Create an "Arch Nemesis" or maybe two(give them Screennames).. then write a verse As him/her against yourself, being sure to diss any and everything personally you can bare to admit. Not witholding Nameplays, Wordplays, and Colloquialisms whenever possible. Then, turn around and write a verse as yourself against them like normal, but to your full creative capacity. This is advice I never got and heeding it will keep you fresh and ready for a live battle opponent. @AeeYo you are DEFINITELY on the right track and you def won here.

    V/Aeeyo for the better verse overall
    Last edited by Networth; December 9th, 2018 at 02:23 PM


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