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Thread: Cries of a Heretic

  1. #1

    Cries of a Heretic

    I've prayed at altars, craving departure,
    begging God to take me, 'cause maybe it's my fault
    your truth wasn't heard, though I learned every word,
    even practiced the principles of this that and the third.
    just light me with roses, and knight me like Moses,
    for I'll show you lightning that rivals the Norse's,
    formerly known as, a gold gleam of topaz,
    I walk alongside the lone road of a Nomad.

    my purpose is in servicin' persons indefinite,
    ask me, what do I represent? everything heaven-sent,
    fire, water, air, earth elements. watchin' me fall is a requisite
    I been droppin' off a cliff, freefallin'
    drawing attention like I've withdrawn investment
    of the heart.... just to spark up the tension,
    get you thinkin' I'm here and then I'm gone in a second.


    ~~~~
    alright you don't gotta leave a comment for feedback (as I didn't get any on my last thread) but any encouragement to keep this going would be warmly welcomed.

  2. #2

    Re: Cries of a Heretic

    shoot..
    was supposed to read "my purpose is in servicin' persons derservin' indefinite".

    doesn't seem to give me a edit option, ahwell

  3. #3

    Re: Cries of a Heretic

    rap battles ain't what it used to be. where's the feedback y'all?

  4. #4
    bobericc _Lyrics's Avatar
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    Re: Cries of a Heretic

    This was pretty good, I actually prefer this to your other piece which did flow nice but felt a bit drawn out, this was short and juicy. Loved the daoist comparisons and real world depictions you offered here. Could have offered more personally situational events in-rhyme to sculpt the heretic(s) you want to make the connection with. Sorry for the lack of feedback.
    The problem with these dying forums is rappers like yourself come back and drop a couple gems and expect it to flourish with new views and feedback like it was early 2000 or something. You need to get active with reading others work and offering your honest critiques in order to see more replies for yourself.
    GreaterDesignGrowers.com

    Im not a rapper, im a gardener

  5. #5
    Coal to the furnace Cody Phoenix's Avatar
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    Re: Cries of a Heretic

    I'm sensing a northerners accent here, I like the use of rhyme/creative language in this fammo...structure is aiite, could be better.... keep writing. Work on a scheme for the next joint, it'll come out smoother.
    I'm a depressed happy cunt. Don't fuck with me. I love you, but I'm crazy.[/I]


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  6. #6
    الخناجر التوأم
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Newman, CA
    Posts
    13

    Re: Cries of a Heretic

    This was smooth fam. Short but the flow was easy to pickup.


    my purpose is in servicin' persons indefinite,
    ask me, what do I represent? everything heaven-sent,

    Not liking the first two lines though

    of a Heretic
    I've prayed at altars, craving departure,
    begging God to take me, 'cause maybe it's my fault

    It was a short and coo little piece. I will check for some of your other drops.

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