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Thread: Abandoned +

  1. #1
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Mar 2015
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    Abandoned +

    Abandoned +

    They wake me up slicing me away every day
    She even tries to redirect me as I pray
    They consume my emotions with fears worse than doubt
    Acting like they even have a say in this bout
    She won’t leave me alone
    Telling me lies that she owns my throne
    Like being hung, before I fall asleep I’m gasping for breath
    As I laugh of the warnings of wishing death
    I don’t fear witches but they’re blowing on knots and sewing my hair in their stitches
    Mocking every faction of 1000 times
    Hanging to manipulate every word of my rhymes
    Why does she even have the right
    Hiding like a coward behind some curtain as she fight
    Abusing me with craft on time like autobots
    As I hear the reminder and ring of three gun shots
    You’ll understand that sick power when you hear me crying and praying in the shower
    Like some sick game with the twisted dame
    How is she even a factor
    How does anyone even back her
    Like some sick beast obsessed she just gets worse
    And tries to bestow every form of infection like a curse
    While the coward points a finger and shifts blame to everyone else
    As i pray everyday that someone get that sick twisted bitch the fuck out my house

    ... I don’t know how to

    Link one: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...?495815-waitin

    Link two: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...92-Inspiration
    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~¥~+
    CLA919

  2. #2
    - Retired - #PrimeTime's Avatar
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    Awards 50+ Wins

    Re: Abandoned +

    This was......... just okay.

    The flow throughout of this entire piece seemed way off from beginning to the end. I'm digging your first couple of lines such as:

    They consume my emotions with fears worse than doubt
    Acting like they even have a say in this bout
    She won’t leave me alone
    Telling me lies that she owns my throne
    Like being hung, before I fall asleep I’m gasping for breath
    As I laugh of the warnings of wishing death
    Those couple of lines were cool.

    The concept of your piece here was cool, but the execution was way off. It was hard to read sometimes because the verses and the flow were real choppy. Just keep doing it man.

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    Originally Posted by Celph Taut
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    sick, bro. Holy shit. Absolutely captivating lyrics. never seen something so explosive, dynamic, and quintessentially mesmerizing! Keep it up!

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