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Thread: first one please give ya boy feed back

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    first one please give ya boy feed back

    the difference between a real and a fake
    some are blind but to me its like night and day
    a real one is quick to give and slow to take
    fakes gossip but a real will let them know to watch what they say
    one will make you keep your grass cut lookin for a snake
    the other will get the weed b gone n make sure gone they stay

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Martyring's Avatar
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    Re: first one please give ya boy feed back

    Wise. Liked it.

  3. #3
    wyrdsmyth Karaoshi's Avatar
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    Awards PC HOF Haiku Season Champion

    Re: first one please give ya boy feed back

    Try and focus on rhythm as much as rhyme. Limit yourself: don't just write a thought down the first way it comes to mind, think about the best way to say it. Either the most streamlined way, or the way that packs the strongest punch.

    It's good that you have a concept that flows through the whole bit, but try and give the bit a character. That can be you, or it can be a fictional character. Giving your bit a character allows you to show the effect your concept has on them. And that's poetry.

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