All criticism welcome

[Wakish Persona]

I remember High school, smoking dope with the dudes
Nothing But a High fool, Fluent to be smooth
I never meant to be cruel I seek to reach Goals and Dreams need to be pursued
My Nigga!!! I'm just trying to stay cool
Chilling - Eagerly - spitting - like someone - that has nothing - to lose
Truly to be true, truthfully, I only speak truth
Quick get me to the dentist Dude
I see fresh youth - I have a loose tooth
"Sit Down - Open Wide:" - its surgery time in the booth
Spitting - like I be killing - patiently - waiting - for you to slip up - My Nigga!! - I guarantee you - be the on that's stepping
While I'm flipping, one line - one hit - type rhymes - as if I'm hitting a one hit pipe
I feel energetic - like a never-ending - EverReady - battery - forever I be ready
Stop Flapping at the mouth
my paws are from the south
but I'm not left handed - IL hand it back to you in a package
Merry Christmas and have a happy new year - put in your order
Il send a parcel to your faggots
How serious do you think i am in this business
I'm writing shit down, documenting your movements
From pen to pages - Sherlock Holmes
super detective, you can call me inspector gadget
I've had it - with your detrimental hypnotic flows not to mention
your Mr. mime mimics - ain't got no time for your gimmicks
you will find that constantly I consciously stay on topic
I still like you tho, to spite your monotonous flow
i apologize, I'm just being honest
exercising my civil right, what ever freedom of speech
presumably is, never looking for trouble
the meditation is humble - so don't mumble when you crumble
underground hip hop i stay patriotic - I might fumble
a verse but my words make up for the Losses

[whorticulture]

you can wright me down but get it right youll never take me down
i stand proud but i dont talk to loud
all bite n a lil growl i turn into a monster at night at the full moon i howl

[Celph Taut]

^ The fuck is going on here?



Anyways,



You seem to be all over the place, but I guess I'm like that too. Your way kind of detracts from the piece as a whole, though. Also, the writing could be more "structured" to help the fluidity of the piece. Your subject matter isn't bad, a bit simplistic for my taste. This seems more like a piece for fun as the title would suggest to help you writing, so if I were to offer any suggestions it would be to nail down a topic and see if you can keep focus throughout. Also, brush up your structure and keep it consistent, because your first four bars are well composed, but then it gets weird from there.



Keep it up!

[A Disciple]

I like that you use the same rhyme structure like the same tone of word repetitively for like a paragraph or so... it’s like a signature style or a call sign you can use on future works. Your tone and ready to argue with the site, good luck, a lot of people can be assholes and will tear you down... but your hype was conveyed and I felt the energy - just hope your strong